4 STARS
Put the kettle on, have that last slice of cake and embrace some truly quintessential Englishness as we gradually eat our way, one baked good at a time, closer to the final of The Great British Bake Off.
‘On your marks… get set… BAKE!’. A mixture of a dozen fresh bakers, a dash of Mary’s warm smile and Paul’s piercing eyes, a sprinkling of Mel and Sue’s innuendos, all encased in twee bunting. However, what on the surface appears to be an idyllic set up is in reality a world where (according to Tamal- the man who has my heart-) “a herd of gazelles” are “being picked off one by one by lions. Mary and Paul are the lions and they’re hungry for bakers.”
Her Campus Nottingham, along with the entire nation, welcomed an involuntary smile at the sound of those first famous notes of the opening sequence. Those notes offered us a period of justification for eating our weight in cakes, biscuits and pastry whilst curled up in front of the TV. To say we become attached to the bakers would be an extreme understatement (Ruby still has a place in my heart, despite Tamal’s presence). Scarlett Moffatt (Gogglebox) seemed to understand, stating “I care more about some of these people than I care about my own family”. Perhaps a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.
We invited a prison guard, a student, a nurse, the Dalia Lama’s photographer and a bodybuilder into our lives and there have been no regrets. The themes have ranged from the traditional biscuit week to the more obscure Victorian week (this included the production of a game pie which, as a vegetarian, made me miss cake). The bakes have ranged from pitta bread (something you would think to be simple, yet if you didn’t achieve the essential pocket you may as well have gone home) to the Frangipane tart, notorious for potential soggy bottom and therefore approached with caution. The emotions have ranged from Ian’s ever gloating smile to Alvin’s tears. It has been a rollercoaster, all of which has been captured perfectly in the facial expressions of Nadiya.
Last week we arrived at the quarter finals, patisserie week, and we were still on a high from Tamal’s victory last week as star baker. The signature: cream horns, Mel and Sue’s idea of innuendo heaven. There was success for Nadiya whose horns looked as pretty as a picture. Following Ian’s less than modest revelation that cream horns are “relatively easy”, his less than perfect cream horns offered slight rejoice. Mokatines were the technical challenge, made of genoise sponge. Both words made no sense to me; they’re basically a mini two layered cake with chocolate icing and a sprinkling of nuts. Sadly for contestant Paul, he also did not know the meaning of genoise, resulting in two flat rubbery sponges. Nadiya had done her studying, she had seen the recipe in Mary Berry’s cook book, she had read it, she had decided not to practice it (that’s what she says), but she was a step ahead in that she had the end goal image. This knowledge served her well and rewarded her with Mary Berry’s delighted “What a joy!”
And then the showstopper: Religieuse à L’ancienne, éclairs stacked up in the shape of a nun (bizarre I know). No less bizarre was Nadiya’s choice of bubble gum flavouring, Mary was less than impressed. Construction was tense; as the bakers glued their éclairs in the hope collapse wouldn’t ensue. Even more harsh was the mandatory two hour lunch break between finishing and judging, ensuring anxiety was prolonged. Ian received a wink from Mary for his ‘nuns with hidden passions’ (slightly sick in my mouth). Paul’s was more of a heap than a structure which served as the last straw, resulting in us waving goodbye to prison guard Paul. Despite the bubble gum fiasco, Nadiya claimed star baker, leaving her so excited she could streak. You go Nadiya!
So who will claim victory? Ian may be consistent, but is consistency enough? We want excitement, we want passion, we don’t want you to whip out a ruler when baking. Tamal is my prediction and my hope. His lack of self-confidence, quippy remarks and expression of joy after receiving a Paul Hollywood handshake combined with his ability to make an excellent Charlotte Russe makes him my winner.
Who will be victorious is a big question, but for me an even bigger question that has been weighing on my mind for several series now is exactly why do presenters, judges and bakers wear the same outfit for both days of baking?
Catch up on this episode of The Great British Bake Off here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b06dsd3w/the-great-british-bake-off-series-6-8-patisserie
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