Dear Guydance,
What does it mean when I’ve been dating a guy for more than a few months but he still has not told his family about me? He is reserved in a lot of aspects, but it bothers me that he is keeping me a secret. How do I get him to tell them about me? Should this be a deal breaker?
-Anon
Dear Anon,
In this situation I believe it would do you good to not overthink it. The reason that he hasn’t told his family about you could be any number of things and may not necessarily even be you. In fact, it most likely is not. It is a safe assumption that he is trying to keep you safe from the wrath that is his family. Not to say they’re awful, it can just be an overwhelming experience introducing your significant other to your family.
If this particular guy is reserved, he may not be comfortable with his family getting involved with his personal life. In budding relationships, it’s fairly typical for the boyfriend or girlfriend to get grilled by the family. From my personal experience, my religious beliefs differ from that of my girlfriends’, which isn’t a problem for her, but I have been advised to ignore the subject at all costs while talking to her grandparents.
It could also be that his family likes to embarrass him with stories and pictures of when he was younger. We all know that families are infamous for bringing up embarrassing things that are better off left in the past, like our amazing style choices from ninth grade.
The root of this secrecy could also be a relative that likes to drink more than the average human being. There isn’t anything more embarrassing than a mother who, after a couple cocktails, continuously calls your SO by the name of an ex.
Like I said, the reason he hasn’t told his family about you really could be anything. As far as getting him to introduce you, communication is key. Tell him that it would mean a lot to you and maybe he’ll spill the beans on why he has been postponing the inevitable. If your relationship is a strong one, you’ll be able to work through the awkwardness that is meeting the family.
Best of luck,
Christian Bartz