When I first started telling people that I would be attending UW-Madison, so many people reacted with “Oh, you must like to party!” I remember being distinctly offended, because I picked the school for it’s strong academic reputation. I didn’t choose a party school! I never drank so much as a drop of alcohol in high school. At my first party, I walked past an ice-filled bucket stocked with cans of Natty Light. I looked for a sign from a new friend as to what to do, then realizing everyone else with us had already cracked theirs open. We decided against it at first, but by the end of the night we had taken our first shots, and it all went downhill from there.
After spending the entire week cooped up in the cages of Memorial or in random classrooms in Engineering, we need a little time to relax. And for some of us, that relaxation includes copious amounts of alcohol a few drinks. We have many stories to share, so we decided to collaborate as a team and share tidbits of some of the crazy nights we have all had. Check out our anonymous confessions of our drunken tales:
WHY DID I DO THAT?
“I once accidentally sent my mom an address to a party when she texted me goodnight.”
“One night none of my friends could find me at a party. They went outside, and I was asleep on the porch.”
“I accidentally told a boy in a fraternity that I was in 9th grade, instead of a freshman.”
“I once announced to all my friends at Ian’s that I was horny, while waiting in line surrounded by strangers.”
“I was in a drunken rage one night because my phone wouldn’t send any messages. I went the morning after to AT&T to get it fixed, and they explained that I put my phone in Airplane Mode [when I was drunk].”
“I passed out on top of a steam grate in front of Toppers and refused to move, because I didn’t want to leave the grate’s ‘warm embrace.’”
“My lowest point was when I accidentally sat in a tub full of wop.”
Bodily Functions:
“I peed in a closet once.”
“I wrote my name with pee in the snow,” –from a girl.
“When I was drunk I pooped in the host’s hat hanging in his bathroom. He still doesn’t know who it was.”
“I pooped at a party and used someone’s towel to wipe.”
“My roommate was drunk one night and told me she was worried that I would hate her if she peed her pants in bed. Then she called one of her high school friends at 2 am to tell her repeatedly that she thinks I hate her.”
Kissing/Hooking Up:
“I was making out with a guy in his dorm. He grabbed my boobs, but I had these fake boob inserts in. So he ripped them out…then I puked all over him, because I was too drunk. He handed me my boobs, and I ran out mortified.”
“I went to an MSOE hockey team party once. A guy stopped me at the door and said I had to kiss him to get a cup. So I did. And he gave me two cups because he didn’t think anyone would fall for it.”
“At a highlighter party, I was going in between two different guys all night. I was grinding and making out with one guy on one side of the party, and then leaving him to go back to another guy!”
“My friend got puked on by her crush the first time they hooked up.”
“I got kicked out of a frat for being too drunk, but didn’t understand I was getting kicked out and thought the guy was trying to makeout with me…”
“I fell down the stairs and broke my nose at a party of 50 plus people.”
“I got a bloody nose while making out with a guy at a party while I was drunk. People asked if I got in a fight, and I just rolled with it because that was less embarrassing.”
Soaked:
“I passed out in the shower and flooded the bathroom.”
“I was in a random bathroom with my friend. I was trying to kill a mosquito but ended up falling into the tub and turning on the shower. I couldn’t get out so I ended up being soaked for the rest of the night.”
“I wanted to go swimming on Mifflin and woke up fully clothed in a bathtub with my phone still in my pocket. My phone did not work after that.”
Drunk & Hungry:
“I was drunk and obviously hungry (as always) but had no food in my dorm room, so I ate not one, not two, but THREE quest bars. AKA 60 grams of protein.”
“At the end of a long night out, I purchased a burrito (classic drunk munchies). I ended up only eating half and used the other half as a pillow, while I slept on the linoleum floor in my kitchen (my bed was 15 feet away). In the morning, I checked through my purse to make sure I hadn’t lost anything. Apparently I had ordered 2 burritos, and the second was sitting at the bottom of my purse. It’s like drunk me knew that I would need another one the next day.”
What is that they say: work hard, play hard?