Everyone fantasizes about having that perfect college relationship. A bae that helps you study. A boo to make you soup and curl up with Netflix. A sweetheart that will console you after a midterm that didn’t go so well. Now while it would be cute to have that “Dwayne and Whitley” relationship, I seriously doubt that their relationship had any of the ridiculous nuisances I’m about mention.
Unfortunately, what used to be a relationship has transformed into more of creating a SIMs character. Instead of looking for partners, males have started looking for workers, even adding a ludicrous amount of expected standards and duties. I have heard these ridiculous standards over and over, time and time again:
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“My girl has to cook and clean for me.”
“I just need a girl who has real eyebrows and who looks good without makeup.”
“Honestly, I can’t wife her if she can’t dress.”
“Well, of course, my girl has to be down for sex everywhere. Otherwise, I’m wasting my time.”
“Man, my girl HAS to keep her toes done. I don’t want to look at crusty toes!”
“I can’t be with a girl that (insert some asinine trait)…”
“I mean, it has to be this way. She has to have (insert some uncontrollable feature).”
The criteria for women from these men are often detailed, shallow and so very dehumanizing. Essentially, any uncontrollable superficial trait may earn you the title of “wifey” and +10 points if it makes these “chosen” women subservient to them.
Now while a relationship in college can be great, often boys (especially the ones at a female dominated school) think they can find a wife (or a mother) in school. They want a woman to be a trophy doll, a mini Stepford wife that doesn’t require too much commitment on their part. In fact, sometimes there is another girl in the picture to fulfill his boundless needs. And for all their requirements, the boy just has to be there. Just show up and be adorned. There is no reciprocity in these relationships, which makes it a transaction, one that may not even be worth it for the women in the picture.
When will these women have time to do their homework or go to work? Or are they just expected to maintain this level of “wifey material” duties while balancing their life?
For all of this, I want to tell you boys this:  I did not come to college to be your girlfriend. I do not wake up at seven every morning to audition to be your next girlfriend. I do it so that I can be on time for class. I did not put on my makeup or leggings to catch your attention so that I could “trap” you. I do it so that I am comfortable in my learning environment. I do not log 15+ hours in the library so that you could consider me smart enough to date.
I don’t go to spin class in the Rec so that you could see me in my athletic gear and have you try to “shoot your shot”. I did not take out over $15K in loans to support you as you remain a dependent. I attend college to learn. I don’t go to college to be able to meet your criteria of the perfect girlfriend. And I don’t know of many girls that do.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for girls who come to college to collect their MRS. degree, but I’m just not one of those girls. They are actually looking for a future provider; I’m relying on myself. They’re looking for a husband; I’m looking for an honors cord. They may want you, but I sure don’t. My purpose for coming to university is to get my degree. It’s my number one focus, not you or a potential relationship. If I do choose to seek a relationship, it will be with the understanding that the both of us will be equal contributors to it and that my future comes before a relationship. If you’re not down with that, you just won’t be a part of my future.
This is not a build a girl workshop. I won’t be your trophy because I don’t have to be. And at the end of the day, I seriously doubt you need a girlfriend. You might need a maid. Or better yet, your mom.
Sincerely,
Girls