Marriage is something I have thought about whilst growing up, largely due to seeing many different examples of it throughout my life. As a young girl, I had this very idealized concept of it. The thought of the beautiful gown and being walked down the aisle to the man of my dreams (cringe) filled me with delight. But as I have grown older, I have come to see that actually, I don’t know how relevant it is in today’s culture. Or at least, some of the traditional customs that take place. Life experience and working at a wedding venue has made me question the whole concept of marriage; I have pondered how important it is to me as a soon-to-be 20 year old woman. With women taking pride in being feminists, you can’t help but wonder whether feminism can co exist with these old age traditions?
Many of the wedding traditions have very deep rooted origins in society. For example, the veil. The wedding veil seems to have originated in Ancient Rome. Roman brides were usually covered from head to toe in a gigantic flame-coloured veil called a flammeum, which was supposed to scare away evil spirits. It was also theoretically supposed to stop the bride from running away, which was a genuine concern during a time when arranged marriages were the norm. The veil was used in a time where women were married off to men through financial contracts between the suitor and father, and was a way of concealing the woman’s identity until both had said the big anticipated ‘I do’. Romantic, huh? Also, the veil became to symbolize a woman’s virginity and purity, especially in the 19th century. Lifting the veil was a symbolic way of consummating the marriage – part of an ancient wedding ritual, symbolizing the groom taking possession of the woman, either as lover or as property. Ghastly.
(Photo credit: Humanities Research Lab)
One of the biggest wedding traditions is the father giving the daughter away. This is based on the tradition from the days when women were their father’s ‘property’ until they got married and then became their husband’s ‘property’. The bride is literally given away in exchange for a dowry. However today this custom does not hold the same cultural significance. Instead, it has come to symbolize a very sentimental honour and a new life and family. But, it is now becoming more common for women to either walk themselves down the aisle, or have another family member escort them such as their mother or a sibling. Although I am yet to personally see this take place at any of the weddings I have worked at over the past two years, the idea really appeals to me. I like the idea of confidently frolicking down the aisle to my impending hubby, with or without anyone’s blessing. In my opinion, the wedding day is about the couple, not anyone else. Whilst this recent point of view may seem alien to the old age traditions of the father walking a bride down the aisle, I am not really that fussed.
Having said that, I am not saying that will actually happen, nor am I saying it to try and sound like a strident feminist who ‘don’t need no man’. Due to these traditions not holding the same meaning they once did, I do not see why a woman can’t be walked down the aisle and not be a feminist. It is down to personal opinion, as with all wedding customs.
For us gals, the wedding dress can be a biggie. But does it really need to be white? My mum got married wearing a “deep aubergine” dress (her words). She looked amazing. I quite like the idea of the white dress, but I think this is more to do with fashion than anything else. The origins of the white dress is actually quite interesting. You can blame Queen Victoria for this one – there is no patriarchal origin. She didn’t wear this to symbolize virginity or purity, she wore it because she, well, liked the colour white. The connotations of virginity that are associated with the white dress appeared later in the Victorian era, as the Victorians idolized the concept of the innocent bride and their pure white gowns. Before Queen Victoria, brides would simply wear any nice dress that they owned.
(Photo credit: Bridal Musings)
So, can feminism and traditional wedding customs coexist in harmony? I think they can, as long as they are used because the bride and groom want them, not because they feel they should due to tradition. If you want to wear a bright red dress like Mary in ‘About Time’, then you wear it. Equally, if you wanna go all out and do the whole white dress and veil sherbang then you do you. As long as you’re doing what you want, then you can go as traditional or wacky as you want.
As for me, I don’t know whether I will bother with a big traditional wedding. The commitment and love that marriage stands for is very important, but the actual wedding isn’t so much. I’ve come to realise that at the end of the day, it means nothing. What is more important is being able to support your partner throughout a lifetime of ups and downs, and love yourself through all of it.