Never in my life did I think I would wind up a 21-year-old in college that still had her V-card. Well, maybe at one point in my life I did, but that was a long time ago. I didn’t grow up religious or come from a strict family. I don’t have daddy issues or a tale of abandonment. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you how I ended up a virgin at this point in my life, but somehow sex just never happened for me.Â
I guess I should give a little backstory since we all will be getting really close and personal over the weeks! I grew up in the suburbs and have lived in the same house for my whole life. I went through middle school and high school with your average number of boy interactions and a fair number of embarrassing crushes throughout school. I always had close girl friends, but not as many guy friends outside of school. One of my really good guy friends, who I had a crush on for three or four years, is the typical “guy who messed me up for all future relationships.” Once I realized he didn’t feel the same, I decided the only way to get over him was to not be friends anymore and just distance myself as much as possible. I threw myself into my close girl friends and started getting into the party scene. My friends tended to date older, stoner guys or guys that went to different high schools. I knew what everyone else was doing wasn’t for me, because I wanted more commitment than a high school relationship (believe me I know how outrageous that sounds now). To be honest, I started becoming more of a loner the older I got. It became harder for me to relate to the people I hung out with once I knew I would be going to CNU and all of them would be staying at home.
Fast forward to coming to CNU and the introduction of a whole new dating pool. Is it cliché to say I liked a guy on my hall, we showed interest in each other, and then it didn’t work out? I feel like a million of you have the same story, so nothing too new there. I went on dates with a couple guys from ODU and got set up on a couple blind dates with guys from CNU that never really amounted to anything. By the time junior year came around, I still had not had one guy who I could say I truly liked in college. Most recently, while working this summer, I got to meet someone I really liked. He was attractive, tall, and scruffy (my favorite)! I definitely wasn’t ready to commit to anything, or even make too much effort to hang out. It was a perfect match, because he wasn’t looking for anything either and I ended up with a guy I could go out with occasionally. The problem with being a virgin who has never had a serious relationship is that you question everything. If I had put in more effort with this guy, could we have possibly formed a relationship? On the other hand, do I really even want a relationship right now anyway? I’ve come to the conclusion recently that this probably is not the best way to think about these sorts of things, but I’m still not going to obsess over a guy that lives miles away and isn’t into relationships. I do know I want better than that.
Photo credit to Derrin Nelson.
I’ve become more comfortable with my virgin status recently and I’ve always been pretty okay with being single. I went through a stage of wanting to just get rid of it, because believe it or not, virgins have sexual frustration too. I’m looking forward to the day I can meet a guy who I don’t mind losing it to. I don’t need to be in a relationship, but I do know that I want to trust the guy it happens with. In an ideal world, I would do the deed with someone I love and be in a serious relationship, but I know that may not be in the cards for me. Obviously, to each his own and no one should ever be judged for their story. However you lost it, or choose to lose it, is up to you. You know what they say – the first time is never glamorous or a fantasy and it’s probably an “occurred in the backseat of a car” type of thing.Â
This column will be anonymous and will be weekly to bi-weekly. My hope for sharing my embarrassing and struggling love life will be to give you all some entertainment while also reaching out to all my fellow unpicked flowers out there. It sucks to think you are the only one not going out every weekend to hook up. So take comfort in my awkward love life and know you aren’t the only one. Who knows, maybe this column will help you, help me, and maybe give you hints about who I am. ;)
Yours Truly,Â
The Virgin Next Door