I think we all know that feeling. It’s late at night, you’re tired, you’ve had too much caffeine. Maybe someone reminded you, maybe you don’t know why you’re thinking about it. It doesn’t matter how it happened, because, now all of a sudden, you’re remembering that moment. The one you can’t think about because it sets your teeth on edge or makes you cry.
Having bad experiences is a part of life, and whether it was sometimes simply unpleasant, like a teacher publicly humiliating you in middle school or a bad breakup with your high school sweetheart, or something more serious, it’s probably never going to be a good memory. However, in my experience, it is possible to remember negative experiences positively. That certainly doesn’t mean I look back on bad breakups and smile with glee, but thinking about what these experiences taught me and how they have made me a better person allows me to look at them positively, no matter how much it hurt. The following is my advice on how to take those nasty memories of a negative experience and see them in a positive light.
1. Try not to think about how you felt in that moment.
I’ve always found that the worst part about remembering negative experiences is thinking about how I felt. Humiliation, betrayal, jealousy, frustration, outright pain. Thinking about how you felt brings those feelings right back. Yes, lots of negative experiences are negative partly because of the way they make you feel, but sometimes our judgement is clouded by emotion, which prevents us from seeing things clearly. It is definitely important to acknowledge those feelings, but try to separate from them when trying to see the experience positively.
2. Keep in mind that perception doesn’t change instantly.
Was the breakup last night? Did some jerk make embarrass you this morning? It is much more difficult to think of something positively when the event is extremely recent. Maybe you haven’t seen the situation clearly yet, or the feelings are still fresh.If you find you simply can’t see something positively, and it hasn’t been very long, give yourself some time.
3. Don’t force it.
On another note, maybe you’ve had plenty of time. Maybe it’s been years and you simply can’t think about that experience positively. Some things are just too painful or unpleasant to remember that way, and that’s okay. Don’t force it.
4. Think about one thing this experience taught you.
It could be something little, like keeping an agenda because you forgot something important and were punished for it, or you learned to speak up for yourself when others were hurting you. I think if you look hard enough, you will be able to come up with one thing (or more!) that it taught you.
5. Consider how this experience could make you a better person.
I think every negative experience also has the ability to make someone a better person in at least one way. If you were judged, perhaps it made you less judgemental. Maybe you are more empathetic now. If no one helped you in a time of need, or you fell down the stairs and no one helped you pick up your books, maybe you are more helpful now or more sensitive to the needs of others. If you think clearly about the situation and yourself as a person now, I am confident there is something about yourself that is better because of that experience.
6. Think of the light at the end of the tunnel.
The light can be anything in the present, past or future. Maybe right now the light is seeing this story positively, or how it will help you in the future. Maybe at the time of the event, the light at the end of the tunnel was getting over it, or maybe the experience was something that would bring you closer to your loved ones or your friends. Remember what kept you going then and keeps you going now.
I have little authority over how others feel or perceive situations, but I have found over the years that following these steps has helped me remember negative experiences positively. In the future, if you find yourself upset over something you’ve experienced, I hope that this can help you as well.
Image Credit: The 40 by 40, The Chatham Group, Fewfice