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Mama-morphosis: The Evolution of Mother-Daughter Relationships

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Duke chapter.

If you’re like me, your tween-age years were chocked full of slamming doors, and disapproving glares, as you tried to slip off to school in that tube top you borrowed from your cool friend, Emily. Your mom was someone who would “Godddddd never understand” that YES, you were aware of how much makeup you had on, and NO, you would never tell what you were actually doing at the park on Saturday night. At breakfast you’d have to remember your oath of silence towards her due to last night’s quarrel, and be sure to reply with nothing more than an exasperated eye roll when she asked about your test, or after school plans for the day.  You longed jealously to be like those few friends who didn’t have to hand wash their new lacey underwear, and bombshell bras in the sink so they weren’t stumbled on, and responded to with preachy sex talks. Your mom was not a role model, but rather, a (STUPID) rule enforcer who didn’t understand that your AIM convos were private property, and that dating an upperclassman was “no biggie.”

Hopefully, you’re also like me in the sense that once those angsty eyeliner rimmed years were behind you, your mom shed a little bit of that cop-like exterior, and took on a more supportive role- that’s supportive, not supporting role. She was not your sidekick, or friend by any means…but you needed her…sometimes. You know, like that person at the back end of a trust fall who you can only hope isn’t looking the other way as you plunge backwards into a possible concussion. Someone to navigate the world of financial aid packets, drive to all of your cross-country races just to watch you finish last, and tell you how beautiful you looked before prom. (Are you tearing up yet?) Yes, there was still an abundance of curfew reinforcement, and SAT practice test nagging, but all in all, the worst was behind you.

Then, if you’re still with me here, something bizarre happened. After she drove off trying to hide her teary eyes, leaving you in your new home, in a new place, with your new perfectly coordinated comforter and tapestry, she became something else. Her questions about your day were now answered with an hour long detail by detail recap of all of the potential friendships in blossom, assignments weighing on you, and complaints about the dining hall, instead of the shoulder shrug and grunt that used to suffice as you slung off your book bag onto the kitchen floor. Suddenly she was a fountain of knowledge about everything relevant to your new life…how did she know so much, it’s like…she’d gone through the same experiences in her past or something? Weird. And when things became lonely, and rough, and scary, for the first time, her voice was what assured you that you were still normal and that you’d find your people, your place. Were you really telling her about that boy on your floor who you maybe kinda sorta have a crush on?  What…what’s happening, this isn’t…she’s not becoming…your…friend? Wait a second; let’s think about this. Her good morning texts never fail to make you smile after a gruesome 8:30 class, you send each other pics of outfit option on Saturday night, and the thought of being reunited is the driving force getting you through midterms, and all the way to Spring Break.  Well, if you’re still nodding your head yes at this point, I think it’s time to face the facts. Meet your new BFF…mom<3

Duke class of 2019 Writer and blogger for Montgomery County Newspapers Writer and blogger for Your Teen Magazine Writer for FlockU