In just a few days, parents and loved ones of the Junior class will be swarming all over campus. In order to avoid unwanted embarassment and scolding from our temporary guests, make sure to leave these phrases out of your vernacular this weekend.
“I think that’s the building where I’m supposed to have my Tuesday/Thursday class.”
Every class you take at Notre Dame is $100 or $10,000 or whatever amount your parents tell you to make you feel guilty about skipping. Normally, when students take a class, they are certain of the building in which said class takes place. Act like those students.
“It doesn’t smell as bad in here as it usually does!”
It’s hard to conceal the genuine excitement that comes from entering your usually filthy dorm room and finding a hastily tidied one, but this statement will immediately destroy the facade of cleanliness you tried so hard to create for your parents. Try your best to feign normalcy, and never let on that this is the first time you’ve seen your floor tiles all year.
“Don’t worry about buying me groceries – if I need anything I’ll just steal it from the dining hall.”
There are a couple flaws with this one: first, unless your parents greatly support Robin Hood-like figures that take from the rich ($10 billion endowed university) and give to the poor (yourself), this confession of thievery might not be best way to assure them of your moral fiber. Secondly, you should never turn down free groceries.
“We recycle our wine bottles every week!”
This one is tricky. Though this statement may appear to showcase your committed concern for the environment, it inadvertently showcases your commitment to alcohol as well.
“C’s get degrees!”
This phrase is as encouraging to you as it is discouraging to your parents. On the off-chance that it accidentally slips out, quickly follow it up with, “That’s what my dumb roommate always says.”
“Where did you find that broccoli???”
Should you find yourself at the dining hall with your parents, don’t act surprised when they find and inevitably eat vegetables. If you ate as healthy as your Pinterest board encouraged you to, you’d know where the broccoli was too. Although your spatial ignorance of healthy foods may not elicit punishment, it will probably force you to sit through a ten minute lecture on the importance of “nutrients” and “vitamins” and “foods other than pizza.”
“Shut your trap, Carol.”
Regardless of your mother’s name, you should probably not say this during JPW.
“Don’t you hate it when Netflix asks you if you’re ‘still watching’? It’s like, of course I am!”
This one should be pretty self-explanatory. Always make your parents believe that you are “still studying,” not “still watching.”
“Uhh… I don’t know that person, I swear!”
After dodging eye contact and abruptly changing your path on the sidewalk, your parents might be curious as to why you are avoiding that person that you obviously do know. You might blurt out this statement in an attempt to assuage their concern, but your guilty tone will only pique their interest. Rather than try to explain why you can’t speak to that certain someone you’ve been aggressively avoiding, play off your strange behavior as a fun “Notre Dame Tradition” or as a mild stroke.
“When do you guys leave?”
Despite whether you’re ready for some alone time or your evening plans are drawing near, it’s highly doubtful that your parents traveled all the way to South Bend to hear you ask this. Be thankful for the fact that you have people to share JPW with, and enjoy the time you have. It’s only three days.
Junior Parents Weekend is the time to strengthen the connection between the Notre Dame family and your own. If you let it, these three days might produce some of your favorite memories from college. So take a deep breath, welcome your loved ones, and don’t say anything stupid.
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Images: 1 (provided by author), 2, 3, 4, 5, 6