1. How do I ACTUALLY do this?
After putting it off for several weeks the day finally comes when you decide to make a start on this monstrous thing. So you switch on your laptop, open up a new document and sit there staring at the blank page for anything from half an hour to several more days because HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO MAKE A START ON A 12, 000-WORD ASSIGNMENT?! But after typing up the first few words, you’re flying! And it’s then when you realise…
2. This really isn’t that bad…
Ah, the optimism of the early stages of dissertation writing – how I do miss thee. Yes, after spending lots of time planning your first chapter (because you’d do anything to put off actually starting it), you feel like you’ve got this completely under control and start to wonder why you were so worried about it in the first place. Lovely as this thought is, it passes desperately, fleetingly once you send your work off for the first time to be marked by your supervisor: then you start thinking…
3. This could either be really good or spectacularly terrible.
That tense waiting period between handing in your work and receiving your first round of feedback. Some days you say to yourself, “you know, I put a lot of time and effort into this; this could potentially be first-class material”, and then you think “no, I was wrong – this is awful, simply awful.” Fun times.
4. I miss Freshers
I have no doubt that this will be a unanimous thought among all dis-writers. During one of the many writer’s blocks you’ll experience, you will undoubtedly stop and think: where did these past two years go? I miss the days when my biggest priorities were bashing out 2000-word formatives and finding a fancy-dress outfit for the numerous themed parties you just had to go to. Alas.
5. I’m doing this wrong. All wrong.
You meet up with a friend for the first time after Christmas vacation, and inevitably have the “dissertation conversation”. Your friend says something negative about their work, which instantly makes you insecure about yours, and consider that you may have to re-do everything that you’ve done thus far. This, classically, comes at a point when you’ve done quite a substantial amount of work, which only maximises your stress levels. Great.
6. What is the meaning of my life?
This is the first real crisis-moment of your dissertation experience. You’ve been poring over your notes and library books all day and seem to have gotten absolutely nowhere. The brick wall has been well and truly hit. Your lack of productiveness has really got you down and you begin to despondently meditate on your dis-filled life. Again, fun times.
7. I want to go home.
Barely a week into the new term and you’re already exasperated by your dreadful dis. All you want is to go back home, sit by the fire, eat carbs, and burden your blank-faced border terrier with all your dissertation woes. Power through, power through.
8. What can I do to escape doing work?
You’ve got a free day to devote entirely to your dis, and are resolved that you’ll get looooads of work done. Four hours into your day’s work and you still haven’t written a single word. After getting fed up of making no progress you decide that you need a break and think about what you can do to escape this torment. After a few moments you decide that the best thing to do is to flee the dire dis-space and go for a nice, leisurely walk. It’s not as if the work is that pressing anyway…
9. What does “dissertation” even mean?
To dissert? To dissertate? Is it even a real word? I can definitely spare time to google that.
10. I should have studied a science.
Science students don’t do dissertations.