Although 1 in 4 (some statistics are 1 in 5)[1] college women will be sexually assaulted, sexual assault is not a topic that usually comes up in general conversation. Sure, weâve all been through orientation where we were taught what qualified as sexual assault and the like, but aside from the occasional speaker that comes to campusâthat you probably were too busy to see anywayâwe donât talk about sexual assault. We see it in the news, see articles on Facebook feeds, and get emails from administration on Title IX, but itâs usually in a very detached manner. Most conversations or thoughts are shallow: âdid you hear about the lawsuit between Kesha and Dr. Luke?â, âwhat the hell is a âTitle IXâ that she just mentioned?â, or âI hear that parties at THAT house are ârapey.ââ Some are even pointed: âgirls do dress like sluts,â âhe should be happy that he got laid,â or â my personal not-so-favorite favoriteââwell, boys will be boys.â We know sexually assaulting people is bad, but do we really care? Do we really think about and acknowledge the feelings and emotions of those that have experienced sexual assault?
No, the general population doesnât.
Most times when sexual assault or rape is brought up in a conversation, at least from my experience, itâs been as a joke. A classmate and I were having a normal, polite conversation when he said he had an apparently very difficult exam later that day. Had he stopped there, I would have sympathized, and would have understood that his exam was tough.
However, he didnât stop there. He told me how this exam was going to bend him over the desk and âfuckâ him. To add to the insult, he said heâd then write about his ârapeâ on a t-shirt and hang it up, making fun of The Clothesline Project happening that week at Rhodes.
I was so taken aback by his words, and his lack of respect for people who have been sexually assaulted and those brave enough to share with the campus. I was hurting for those people, but also for myself.
I had been sexually assaulted a year and a half before, and itâs still the hardest thing for me to deal with. Iâve been dealing with depression, PTSD, loneliness, isolation, anger, hurtful remarks from family, disregard of my experience from the police, and now disrespectful comments from my peers. Iâve been through hell, but have been recovering. I was even considering making my own t-shirt for the project until he made that comment. He didnât know it, but he brought up and belittled the worst experience of my life.
He saw my face fall. He listened when I said that he should not make those comments, because he never knew who he was talking to. He apologized. He was ashamed and sorry. But, he didnât have to hide his tears in class. He didnât have to go the rest of the day thinking about it. He didnât have to try to pay attention in his classes when his mind wasnât there. He didnât have to put a smile on his face at work and act like everything was okay. He didnât have to hide behind a façade of happiness when all he wanted to was crawl in bed and cry. He didnât understand the impact his words had on me. He didnât realize his âjokeâ wasnât funny, until it was too late.
We donât talk about sexual assault seriously. We donât acknowledge that real people with real emotions and real lives experience sexual assault. And not just experience it once, but experience it and relive it every day.Â
I hope with this guy, and with you, Reader, that you think about what you say. Please be compassionate, thoughtful, and try to understand. You never know what someone has gone through.
âBe kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.â
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As always, please feel free to contact me for comments, questions, support, or anything really.
Natalie Richmond
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