How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

   As a freshman collegiate, I am by no means an expert on long distance relationships (yet). However, before entering my first year, literally everyone would give me a sympathetic look and tilt their head at me when I told them that my boyfriend and I were planning on doing a long distance relationship. Tons of people would say things like, “well, what about meeting people?” “You don’t want to be depressed in your dorm all the time.” “Don’t you think he’ll cheat?” So it’s safe to say that when my boyfriend of two years and I said our goodbyes and he got on a plane to Ireland, I was a little more than just anxious. However, here we are, in March, having survived almost a full school year of long distance. Statistics say that most long distance relationships end within the first three months (checkmark for passing that!). Statistics also say that if you last a full school year, you only have an 8% chance of breaking up due to distance. Score! So, for anyone who is contemplating a long distance relationship, or is in one and having some issues, these are my tips on how I managed to stay (happily and stress-free, I might add) in a long distance relationship.

1.     The Countdown.

My boyfriend and I both kept a countdown of how many days until we could see each other on our whiteboards in our dorms. Having it in sight at all times and being able to tick down another day every morning made the wait exciting, not agonizing.

2.     Snail Mail!

My boyfriend and I found it incredibly helpful to mail each other! Despite constant texting/snapchatting/Skyping, it always felt amazing to check the mailbox and see a handwritten letter all the way from a different country. We also mailed each other packages, it’s a cute way to show you care!

3.     Don’t overdue Skype dates!

So before starting this LDR, my friend told me that her friend Skyped her boyfriend in England every. Single. Day. That seems so excessive to me so my boyfriend and I Skype 2 or 3 times a week. It keeps things exciting and we always have new things to talk about because we’re both so busy having our own, fun lives! Which brings me to my next point…

4.     Have your own life.

Being in an LDR can feel lonely at times, but don’t look at it as living without your other half, look at it as having a small hole in your heart, but one that you are okay with for the time being. Stay busy, make friends, go out! I still go clubbing every weekend, I do my work, I volunteer, I go to the gym. Keeping busy has made missing him WAY easier, and we always have so much to talk about and share with each other. It’s a beautiful thing when you can have separate lives and grow separately, yet still be together.

5.     Snapchat keeps the flame burning…

Both literally and figuratively with Snapchats new flame emoji feature. But what I’m talking about is keeping your physical flame alive. One of the biggest concerns I silently had before starting my LDR was how we were going to still feel physically intimate when we were so far. Having gone to high school together for four years, I was never deprived of him. Snapchat is a gift from the Heavens when it comes to this! Sending sexy snaps with sexy words about what you’re going to indulge in when you’re finally back together was thrilling and really kept our spark going. When we do see each other…we’re like bunnies, and we live out all the things we said we’d do in those snaps.

6.     Make a Date Jar.

My boyfriend and I talk a lot about different dates we want to go on once we’re back together. We compiled a list over time and have made a date jar, so that when we’re back together, we’ll have all these fun date choices. It gives us both something to look forward to!

7.     Open When Letters.

My boyfriend and I give each other a new stack of these every time we’re about to say goodbye. Look it up on Pinterest if you’re unfamiliar, it’s basically a bunch of letters with headings like ‘open when you can’t sleep’. It’s nice knowing that for anything, I have a letter from my love to open. I love reading them over when I miss him a lot, especially at night when the time difference becomes noticeable (he’s 5 hours ahead).

8.     Talk about the future.

This might be scary for newer couples, but my boyfriend and I are already sure that we’re meant to be together. If we didn’t think we had a future, we wouldn’t have started an LDR. So talk openly and communicate honestly about the future! You need an end in sight, nobody can do long distance forever, we all need to settle down eventually. Be totally honest and clear about what you want and where you think this is going. Try and have these serious conversations over Skype or a phone call.

9.     No text fights allowed!

In any relationship, fights spring up sometimes. In an LDR, they get harder because you can’t just cool off and see each other tomorrow to talk. My boyfriend and I have never had a fight about the distance, but we’ve had fights. My main rule is we never fight over text. We say we won’t talk until we can both Skype. By then, we’ve usually cooled down a lot and diffuse the fight pretty quickly.

So, fellow collegiates, good luck with your LDR’s! They can be challenging but well worth it when your other half and you are in the same place again. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Did you really think your soulmate would be down the street?

• long distance
• relationships
• survival guide