If You Ever Come Back…

Once you let him go, once you whole-heartedly let him go, then what? Don’t get me wrong; you will still remember the nights where you couldn’t sleep because of that overwhelming feeling of knots in the same stomach that had once housed butterflies. And you’ll remember the days that once filled your heart with euphoria, but faded into days that would eventually shatter you into unrepairable pieces. I’d be lying if I said your reappearance has never crossed my mind. I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about what I would do or say if I did find you standing here in front of me. So if you ever come back…

I know you’ll come back and you’ll think that I’ll believe that you’ve changed. That the impossibly stubborn boy I once knew has grown into a dependable man that can still sweep me off my feet.

I know you’ll come back when I’ve moved on to somebody new. A beautiful somebody who hasn’t forced me to build walls, but instead has given me the gift of seeing the sunshine again.

I know you’ll come back because you’ve wondered if my favorite color has changed, or if I still go to the gym on Tuesday’s. You’ll wonder if I still hate tomatoes, and you’ll wonder if I still find magic in summer rainstorms.

I know you’ll come back and tell me that if you let something go and it comes back to you, it was meant to be. You’ll remind me of the late nights, the long drives, the love and the laughter. And I’ll remember how it felt when you walked away.

I know you’ll come back and ask me how I’ve been, and tell me that you’re sorry. That it was a mistake and would never happen again. You’d tell me that you’ve matured and that you are ready to start over because you’ve realized what you lost.

But most importantly, I know that if you come back I will love myself more than I ever loved you. I will be able to appreciate the good times, but understand that those could never fix the bad. I will remember that moving on was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And frankly, bless your delusional heart because if you ever come back, I will walk away and I won’t ever come back.

But the truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive the situation, and unless you accept that it is actually over because it is supposed to be over, you will not be able to move on. Even though it is hurtful and sad, and sometimes you’ll cry, you’ll know that you are not together for a reason. No amount of ‘forgives and forgets’ will be able to break through your wall you’ve built out of the lies and tears. If he ever comes back, don’t fall for it. Instead, fall for someone who will catch you. Someone who comes into your life and makes you see the sun where you once saw clouds. Someone who believes in you so much that you start to believe in you too. A once in a lifetime kind of person. And someone who won’t make you wonder what would happen if he ever came back because he never intends on leaving. 

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