One day, after a long evening of highs and lows and contemplating what it’s like to be a woman I found myself sitting alone in my secret place. Tucked between two great monuments of flesh and adoration, I found myself not only contemplating what it’s like to be a woman but also what it’s like to be me.
Here, in no particular order, is what I found:
-
Being the sole giver of life is a lot of pressure. Yet, I still relish in the idea of bringing a beautiful, one-of-a-kind, life to the Earth. To be honest, it completely freaks me out. My other friends say it’s a life-changing experience and I am sure it is. But honestly after being stretched, torn, and reshaped, I find it hard to believe them when they say the only justifiable way to describe that experience is, only “life-changing.” But I digress, one day my life may be changed.
-
I honestly enjoy being touched and caressed a lot. It’s strange because as I sat in this place I really struggled with this one. First, because I couldn’t get the phrase from my own lips and second because these are the things I fight for in public but had never come to accept about myself in private. I like the feeling of being worn-out and recharged in a matter of minutes. I like the sweat and passion of lascivious activity. What I don’t like is being judged for it.
-
In the words of my sister-friend Molly on HBO’s new hit show Insecure, “If I’m into them then I’m too smothering. If I take my time and try to give them space, oh I didn’t think you were into me. Fine, sex right away? Lose interest. Wait to have sex. Lose interest. If I don’t have sex at all? Mother****er no! I’m a grown a** woman. I didn’t sign up for that bull****.”…Enough said.
-
I am very strong and very weak. I am dependent on my facade of independence. I am secure in my insecurity, never knowing much outside of it. I am fearless and scared. I am sexual, but struggle with the word sexy. I am an invitation but dismissive of wayward advances. I am the very nature of the duplicity. I am the sweetest evil. A complete juxtaposition between everything that is right and everything that is wrong. I am a lot of things. But my pursuit of humanity is all that I can give.
-
I am a vagina… and I’m okay with that.