Have you ever noticed that fall seems to bring out the “basic” people? I mean let’s be real for a second: once the leaves start changing everything from your latte (which must be documented on social media or did you even drink it?) to your candles that have to be pumpkin-spice flavored scream “basic” fall. Similarly, couples seem to always opt for the same dates come October. I’m here to point out the downside to every single one of them, in hopes that you’ll try something new this fall.
Anything Haunted
Definitely not a “getting to know you” kind of situation. How are you supposed to act?! If you get genuinely scared by a bloody chainsaw wielding clown and start crying: turn off. He’ll think you’re overly dramatic. But if you act bored and unimpressed, you’ll come off as a snob. And if you react to scary things like me and start hysterically laughing, he’s going to think you’re a psycho. I mean you can’t win!
Corn Maze
The only thing worse than a corn maze is a mirror maze where you’re constantly running into reflections of yourself. A corn maze might sound fun but trust me, they were created by the devil himself. Sure, picturesque rows of corn might seem like a cool idea but wandering around lost in there for several hours is going to make you hate everything around you, including your SO. And with fall’s bipolar weather, it’s either going to be burning hot or freezing cold during your excursion making you even more angry that your date refuses to ask for directions. I don’t even recommend the strongest couples try to tackle this experience. Pretty sure I’ve heard of couples calling it quits as a result of too much corn maze exposure. I’m just saying.
Apple or pumpkin picking
Seems fun, right? Wrong! Do you know how heavy a bundle of apples is? And do you know who’s going to end up carrying them? Your SO because you’re too smart to be stuck with that chore. You’ll end up spending a bunch of money on fruit (is pumpkin a fruit?) that you tell yourself you’re going to make some delicious pies out of, only to let them rot and attract fruit flies to your kitchen when you still haven’t touched them two weeks later. Let’s just not even fool ourselves into thinking we’re some sort of domestic goddess. Also, does anyone else find it strange that you have to pay to work for your own food?
Halloween party
Do you go sexy or do you go for unique? If you’re in a new relationship, I wouldn’t test its strength with the hot drunken mess that is Halloweekend. And I don’t think your new guy is gonna want to see you prancing around in some revealing costume in front of so many other drunken men. And he certainly won’t want to carry you out of the party after you get a little too lit, no matter how scantily you’re dressed. Wait until you’ve really trapped them to invite them out on Halloween.
Pumpkin carving
Honestly I don’t know when doing this would be fun, but I know that it’s certainly not with the person you’re trying to get to like you. Picture this: you both are extracting the seeds and guts from that gigantic gourd which in all honesty is as messy as childbirth, then you start to fight over what you’re even going to carve on it. You get into your first little spat over this monumental decision and then decide on something lame like little dancing ghosts or the word BOO! only to have it rot less than a week later. Just like the relationship…
Wine tasting
You see that man trying to move in on the boyfriend’s territory? I’m just saying…This is one of few occasions where it’s acceptable to be drunk off your butt in broad daylight in public. Is that really the flattering light you want a new flame to see you in? I mean I can only imagine you taking a drunken tumble down those steep vineyard hills. As fun as this is, I would recommend saving this little date for you and your girlfriends.
Hayride
Whose idea was it to tow an itchy straw-filled wagon behind a slow, noisy tractor anyway? Because whoever it was, I’d like to have a word on behalf of all the couples who have thought this would be a good idea for a date. Those poor naive little babies who thought it would fun to ride through some random field at a speed that makes my grandmother’s driving look like Fast & Furious…
*A little disclaimer: I honestly think that several of these options would make for great dates but there’s two sides to every story right?