I was shocked when I heard that my 20-something-year-old cousin would be donating her eggs to another couple. Would a child come knocking on her door 18 years from now? Would she feel uncomfortable about the situation? Would the process to donate her eggs pose any physical risks? Does this affect her chances of having her own children?
I didn’t think she was actually serious, and was ever so skeptical about the process and how the act would affect her own relationships going forward.
That being said, I learned that many families are actually in need of egg donors, and that the process of egg donation favours donors aged 20 – 32. That includes us college women completing our undergraduate and postgraduate degrees. While I had all of these questions in my mind (and I am sure Sophia did too), I realized that my cousin is the first and only person I know that actually donated her eggs. I was so moved by her decision that I thought her story should be shared among young women everywhere.
Enter Sophia Virani (the cousin). She’s a Queen’s graduate, having completed her Master of Science in Reproductive Biology in 2011. She loves Queen’s U, Kingston, and women’s health.
I interviewed Sophia, and she had great things to share with us:
What was your motivation behind donating your eggs? What made you do it?
I think the reason I wanted to donate my eggs is because I realized how many women struggle with getting pregnant. Either they have medical issues, or they’re too old to conceive naturally. My profession and education probably has a huge impact as well. In my current role as a research coordinator, I work with female cancer patients who often can’t have their own children after undergoing chemotherapy. Getting to know these women personally made me a lot more motivated to donate my eggs and help these couples.
So, there may be other kids in the world growing up with your genes. How do you feel about that?
I think it’s great that I’m spreading my genes. If you think about it, I’m doing my gene pool a favour! Even if there are kids growing up with my genes, there’s no legal responsibility for me to be involved in their upbringing. The only immortal parts of our bodies are our genes, and I get to leave something behind by donating my eggs.
That sounds like a very scientific reasoning. Are you sad that you won’t have an emotional connection with someone who is effectively half of you?
Not really. They’re not half of me – just half of my genes.
Right. So moving on to the parents involved…would you want to know or keep in touch with the parents of the children that are genetically related to you? Why or why not?
It was an anonymous process and I was only given limited information about their profile. If there was a choice, I’d be indifferent about knowing them. It’s really up to the parents.
*Note to Readers: As an egg donor, the personal info on your profile remains confidential to the recipient. You can state that you would allow them to contact you, and the recipient can decide whether or not to do so. Neither party is under any obligation to keep in touch.
What about the children?
Hmm. A lot of people ask me if the child can contact me. The reality is that neither of us have a right either way. I don’t have a right to know the child’s whereabouts and the child doesn’t have a right to know his or her genetic mother, who would be me. That being said, there is an option to let the child have your contact info once they turn 18 years of age – but I decided against it.
Right. Now, you’ve told us that you’re currently in a long-term committed relationship. How did you approach this important issue with your boyfriend?
Obviously this is a decision that impacts not just me, but also my partner. Although neither of us want to have kids any time soon, we will want to have kids at some point in the next few years. My significant other did tell me that it was completely my choice to make, and that he would support me if I really wanted to do it.
He didn’t have any concerns?
Well, he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t impact our future life together. His logic was that as long as we didn’t have any financial or parental obligations to the offspring, then it would be okay. That’s another reason I decided not to provide my contact information.
That’s a really important point. Can you tell us a little bit more about why you wouldn’t want the child to contact you?
I guess it sounds a little selfish, but I didn’t want it to disrupt my life. The child’s mom will be his biological mom, whereas I will be his genetic mother. Now, I don’t know what will happen to this child, but if he was 20 and ended up living a bad life – maybe he was an alcoholic and came to me asking for a liver transplant – I would obviously feel obligated to help him. It’s a really uncomfortable situation and I just didn’t want to have to confront it.
*Note to Readers: You can decide whether or not to reveal your contact information and can change your decision up until the child turns 18 years of age. After that point, you cannot change your decision.
How did your education at Queen’s influence you in your decision?
Studying reproductive biology at Queen’s definitely played a role in my decision. Because I understand the biology and science behind reproduction, I’m not possessive about my genes. The emotional aspect of egg donation is removed, which makes it more of a biological procedure for me where I get to make a significant impact on another woman’s life.
Also, working with cancer patients brings me in touch personally with women who would benefit from the process.
What advice would you give to young women in university or who have just graduated that are considering egg donation?
Personally, I grew up very close to my family and to this day, my family is one of the most important communities in my life. I would do anything to enable somebody to have a family and experience it in the way I have.
I would recommend egg donation as a humble service to the world. It’s like a more impactful version of donating blood. You’re giving somebody a family with relatively little cost to yourself. The process can scare some people, but it is not dangerous or expensive as some myths would have you believe.
Other countries like the U.S. allow compensation, and women can earn up to $10,000 for one donation cycle. I didn’t do it for the money because I didn’t want to feel like I “sold” my eggs – I don’t need the money, and I really just wanted to help women for the sake of helping women.