We live in a world filled with information – with each statistic or data-point designed to provide us with a better sense of identity.
- You have an A+ in Calculus – you must be smart.
- You have a 21.3 BMI – you must be healthy.
- You received 100 likes on your “In a Relationship Status” on Facebook – you must be a great boyfriend or girlfriend.
We crave answers. We are the Millennial generation that wants instant and constant gratification. We want to be hired by our dream employer, even if we don’t have the experience. We want our FitBit to dictate our health & fitness regime instead of being disciplined ourselves. We take online quizzes and read articles on Thought Catalogue to validate who we are.
We’re looking for a way to understand ourselves better, but searching in the wrong places. All of our existing outlets are merely ways of wishful thinking, which in itself is a form of dishonesty. Our Instagram posts provide false proof that we lead happy, successful lives with enriching relationships. The internet holds the promise of making us feel good without us needing to put in any actual effort.
It’s like going on Pinterest for “Fitness Inspiration” instead of going to the gym. Scrolling doesn’t make you sweat.
If we really want to better understand ourselves in order to become the best version of ourselves that we can be, we must venture into the dark, scary places of our insecurities. We need to embrace the unknown and be mentally ready to confront things that will make us uncomfortable. We need to talk to the people who know us best, and who aren’t afraid to point out our flaws.
Try asking your best friend what they don’t like about you. For most of my adult life, asking my friends what they don’t like about me hasn’t been a part of my practice. I feel like for most people, you’d rather hear what people do like about you. Well, that’s obvious – and that also doesn’t leave any room for growth.
I have realized that there are surely and undoubtedly things about you that your friends do not like, and it’s probably more than just a pet peeve. There have been times when you have not seen eye-to-eye with your best friend, or when he or she has felt hurt or upset. Accept it now. There are things they do not like about you. Aren’t you curious to know what they are?
Individually, we are all very biased about ourselves. We downplay our flaws and focus on our strengths. We justify our mistakes and relish in our accomplishments. So, our friends really are the clearest and most accurate window into ourselves.
Your friends can literally see things about you that you will never be able to see yourself. Just take that in.
You might find yourself arguing with this statement. Argue, but then realize that you denying this statement just confirms it even more. You don’t know what your friends don’t like about you – and since you don’t know it, you don’t even know you don’t know it.
Point is, you will never know what people don’t like about you until you ask them (and that is the easiest way to find out).
Asking your best friends what they don’t like about you could be the best thing you could do for your personal development. If it’s something core to your personality, it could strengthen your existing relationship with that person or prevent relationships in the future from falling apart. It’s like an exclusive sneak peek for the movie titled “The New and Improved You.”
It is definitely a challenge. Asking my friends what they don’t like about me? That sounds uncomfortable. That sounds like they’d question being my friend if they thought about it for too long. I think I will….pass on that one.
Passing means that you’re giving up on yourself. You’re choosing to let your weaknesses persist (and maybe even become worse) instead of proactively trying to improve. It means you’re scared to admit there are some things you can work on.
It’s a challenge, but asking these questions is guaranteed to strengthen your relationships. If you ask your friends what they don’t like about you, you’ll have a sure shot at trying to improve before you face a break-up or argument with a BFF. Also, your friend won’t be telling you these things to hurt you – they’ll be doing it out of care and love and a desire to see you grow. So really, asking your friends these tricky questions can be a gift to yourself. After all, if your best friend can’t tell you what they don’t like about you, who will?