Sometimes, when you’re unhappy where you stand, you think about making pretty big changes in your life. And for me, that would be moving across the country. Even though it would be extremely liberating, I will put a lot of relationships in danger. Recently, as I have been getting used to my adult life, my dad and I have grown closer and my mom and I have drifted farther apart. By moving away from my mom, I could permanently ruin the relationship with her, my stepdad, and my half-brothers.
Also, my sister would never in a million years be on board with the closest person to her moving nearly three thousand miles away. I have a boyfriend here as well, and this could potentially damage and/or end our relationship. I guess what I’m trying to decide here is if accommodating to my own happiness is worth sabotaging connections I have worked hard to build. If being close to one family means I’m distant with the other.
This burns a huge hole in my stomach, but so does knowing that I am living in a place that makes me miserable as soon as I step out of the campus I love so dearly. Visiting a house where I can neither eat nor sleep. Driving through the streets of a city I’m supposed to call home, sick to my stomach. Shaken to my very core writing this.
I am definitely moving. Now is the time to be selfish.