I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I wasn’t sure about my choice when I committed to Alabama.
Yes, I fell in love with the school when I visited and excitedly told all my friends and family about where I had decided to spend the next 4 years of my life if anyone asked where I was going, but once I got to UA, my experience as a freshman wasn’t as rosy as the movies make it out to be. Even though I rushed a sorority and made friends with everyone on my floor and joined as many clubs as I could, there were plenty of times when I felt out of place and alone. It wasn’t the kind of homesickness that my roommates suffered from; I had wanted to go to college in the south for as long as I can remember. It’s just that when everyone went home for break and talked about missing Tuscaloosa, I didn’t understand what they missed about it.
On the outside, no one could tell that I was struggling with any sort of ambivalence. On social media and even to my friends at school, I painted a picture of a happy fulfilled girl who was living the dream and having fun all while excelling at everything she pursued. In high school, I had always been at the top of my class, super involved, and able to get along with everyone. When some people found out I had chosen a full academic scholarship at Alabama over my higher ranked options, they told me I was wasting my potential. While I was certainly taking advantage of every opportunity offered to me, I still couldn’t figure out how I could make Alabama feel like home.
The summer after my freshman year, I decided I would transfer. Of course I would stay for my sophomore year since I had already signed a lease and accepted leadership positions in a bunch of my organizations, but I quietly told other officers in some of those clubs to prepare someone else to take over my place for when I left. Though I had thrived my freshman year with my extracurriculars and academics, I had barely survived it emotionally, and I convinced myself that ripping up the roots I had sown in Tuscaloosa would be better than letting myself continue to wilt in a place where I didn’t feel understood.
Knowing I had the option to leave suddenly lifted a weight from my shoulders. I just had to get through my French study abroad, sorority rush, and my fall semester, and then Alabama couldn’t hurt me anymore. That summer in France, something changed. The students I lived and worked with became some of my closest friends. My work ethic was not made fun of or underappreciated, it was welcomed and celebrated. Their kindness and acceptance gave me hope that I would be able to find the right people at the school I was already in. It wasn’t until the beginning of spring semester that my life did a complete 180 in the right direction.
My fall semester had been a tumultuous one full of friend drama, disagreements in the leadership of some of my organizations, and the continued battle against the mental health issues I have experienced my entire life. In January of 2016, I had alienated myself from the people I used to hang out with, I had been ostracized by one of the clubs that mattered most to me, and I had just started taking medication for the depression and anxiety that had consumed me for years: I felt friendless, scared, and unsure of what the future held. Overwhelmed by uncertainty, I found the courage to unapologetically be myself and see what, if anything, would fall into place.
That spring I truly learned that the universe gives back the energy you put out into the world. I threw myself into my classes and my organizations. I connected with people who shared my drive for success and my lofty ambitions for after graduation. Together we shared some great victories and accomplishments and some shocking and devastating losses, but through it all I was so grateful to have finally found my people without even having to search for them. Their friendship and belief in me strengthened my confidence and lifted my spirits daily. The semester that I thought would be the worst turned into the best one yet.
As you can probably tell by my publishing of this article, I decided to stay at UA. While my days here have not always been picture perfect since then, they have been brightened by the loving and motivated people I surround myself with. This university has challenged me and given me opportunities in research, leadership, and academics that I do not think I would have found anywhere else. I’ve always said that you cannot flourish at an institution if you’re not happy there and, though it took me a couple years, I finally feel like I belong at mine.