It’s been 20 years and I’ve finally learned how to say goodbye. To friends, to exes, to the almost-lovers. So often I want to cling onto some sort of contact. You never know when someone is going to be useful to you or if you’ll rekindle the kind of relationship you had before. But sometimes it’s not worth wasting your time on them in mere hopes of getting something in return.
Some people are just dead weight.
I used to think that sounded harsh or that I was neglecting the great parts about the person. But the fact is, you can acknowledge how great a person is and still cut them out of your life. Sometimes they don’t offer you their good qualities of kindness and generosity. Sometimes the good traits aren’t worth the pain they put you through. So although they can be wonderful people in others’ lives, sometimes they are holding you back in yours.
The people around you define you. People associate you with what they do. You will learn to take on some of their traits and habits. Your dreams and goals can be limited by theirs. Friends, partners, and colleagues all play a crucial part in who we are and how we live our lives because we spend so much time with them and are affected by their beliefs and habits.
Respect yourself first. Take the time to really get to know yourself and what you want. Without consideration of anybody else (this is the time to be selfish), dream about what you want your life to be. Now how do the people around you reflect that future life? Do they at all? Do they fit?
The people you surround yourself with don’t necessarily reflect your career or future. But they will limit or expand your imagination, motivation, inspiration, work ethic, happiness, and success.
You also have to consider that you are constantly giving something to the people in your life, whether it be your time, ideas, energy, love, gifts, or anything else. If they do not truly value these things, there are more accepting and appreciative people out there who you can offer these amazing things to.
I said goodbye to dead weight this week. I said goodbye after 7 years. It will be sad at times to reflect on what we used to have and the happiness he used to bring me, but it is also a relief that I no longer have to deal with the constant pain and annoyance he had begun to bring into my life. I am a free woman not because I have cut ties, but because I have re-focused my energy into things and people I truly love and who value me.
Do you have anything or anyone to say goodbye to?