“Do you think women are responsible for checking stupid male behavior in our society?”
The question was asked by a guy friend of mine. I had just stopped him from making a stupid mistake, and this somehow prompted a discussion on gender roles.
I paused. He continued. “Do you think guys are usually dumber than girls?”
I still didn’t say anything. I was recalling every time I watched the guys in our hall do something stupid just for the hell of it. Rappelling down the stairs in our dorm. Skiing down a hill facing a busy street. Using desk chairs as campus transport.
I finally answered, “I mean, I’m a feminist, so I believe men and women to be equal…but at least in my experiences, yes, women seem to always be checking stupid male behavior.” I went on to explain that like admitting that men tended to have more muscle mass than women (because anatomy), it wasn’t sexist to admit that men had more tendencies towards idiotic behavior. I felt like I was being honest in my answer, but somehow it left a bad taste in my mouth.
A few hours after this conversation, I described the incident to my roommate. “Am I wrong? Something feels wrong about this.”
My roommate paused. “Yeah, I think it’s sexist to expect women to behave at a more intelligent and mature level than men.” She went on to explain that though women are often the group subject to the harshest effects of structured gender roles, that doesn’t mean that it’s appropriate (or feminist) to impart gender roles on men.
Gender roles go both ways. While it would be blatantly sexist to say something like “women are just so emotional,” something like “men are unbelievably stupid” doesn’t evoke the same militant backlash. And it should. As feminists, we are proud to fight for rights equal to those that men hold, not rights above those that men hold. We are right to fight for female equality. We are right to denounce female gender roles. But what about male gender roles? We can’t insist that women need to fight against their gender roles while at the same time placing similarly unfair standards upon men. Even though it might not be immediately recognizable, gender roles hurt us all.
Additionally, even though statements like “women are more mature than men” or “women are smarter than men” might seem female positive on a surface level and misandrist on a subcutaneous level, statements such as these can often be used against women in our society. Placing women on a pedestal for mature and intelligent behavior makes it that much easier to use a “boys against boys” mentality as an argument to defend female harassment in our society. For example: didn’t like him touching your upper thigh after you told him politely to back up and give you some space? Oops. Boys will be boys. You’re more mature than he is, cut him some slack.
If I was asked to re-answer the question my friend had posed about gender roles, I would not answer in the same way. Yes, maybe I have witnessed men doing stupid things in my college experience thus far. But that does not give me the right to label this as “stupid male behavior.” In a similar manner, I would not want someone to see me crying and dismiss it as “emotional female behavior.” Instead, I would answer in a way that shows my commitment towards disavowing sexist gender roles. After all, it is what I want men to do for me.
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