Who needs a Significant Other when you can find a Single Other? This Valentine’s Day, us solteras y solteros are taking back the meaning of SO. The common, yet utterly misconstrued notion that February 14th is a miserable time for anyone not spilling hearts out of their eye sockets is over. Take it from me, renowned romantic and party girl supreme. When my parents named me Valentina, they bestowed upon me a grand responsibility: to make sure everyone has a hella good time on V-Day, relationship status aside.
Now… without further ado, I give you our Party Guide!
1. Naughty Piñata
Don’t try to tell me piñatas are for children. They are not. Especially when they’re filled to the brim with glow-in-the-dark condoms, packets of edible lube, and rainbow penis lollipops! Your guests will never know what hit them.
2. F*ck, F*ck, Goose
Like “Duck, Duck, Goose” except winner gets to pick between a shot, or a kiss… and then some?
3. Shot Roulette
Supposedly a safer alternative to Russian Roulette, but that’s definitely debatable.
4. 30-Second Speed Dating
This is a great way to break the ice with the SO across the room you’ve been eying down since you arrived. Plus, the perfect excuse to use your favorite piropo! My current fave: “Is your phone in your back pocket? ‘Cause that booty’s calling me.” (Gracias Tipo Oficial)
5. Lap Dance Contest
This one’s for the brave. Extra kinky.
6. Tie the Knot
Don’t worry, we’re not talkin’ marriage. We’re talkin’ cherries – no, not the kind you pop. Whoever’s tongue is quickest at tying a single knot with a cherry stem, wins!
7. Pass the Card (also known as “Suck and Blow”)
THIS. GAME. IS. DEMASIADO DE SEXY!!! Tested and approved by yours truly.
8. Raunchy Jenga
Get ready to lose an article of clothing or two.
That being said, you are cordially invited to Mayagüez’s own Blackentine’s Pre-Game, on February 16; the venue is yet to be annouced. There will be a $7 open bar featuring a variety of the games listed here… Singles ONLY! Unless you’re polyamorous, you’ve been warned: don’t bring a date.