Dear Love,
If there is anything I learned from you, it is that you are a force to be reckoned with. You break hearts and put them back together; you make grown men cry and make the impassive smile. You break up friendships and families, you break nations and laws. You bring people from the farthest corners of the world together; you make enemies reconcile and become the best of friends. You make a person feel fifty emotions all at once, and you also make him not want to feel anything at all. You are both the poison and the antidote; people will gladly have themselves ruined by you over and over again.
I’ve had the opportunity to meet you a few times in my life—rather, different versions of you.
The first was when I was three, and you came in the form of pink fabric stuffed with cotton fluff. I brought you everywhere, and I never went to sleep without you. Then I had to go somewhere and I couldn’t take you with me. After a long time, I came back and you were still there. No longer pink, but now a blush color, faded over time. My favorite stuffed pig was the first thing I ever loved, and the first thing I willingly let go.
You also became my first best friend. I was a very shy little girl, and I never ever spoke to anyone without them speaking to me first. But when you walked through the door, I knew I had to introduce myself. Since then, we were inseparable—even until now. Of course there were times when we’d grow apart (because we were too busy growing up) but we never ended our friendship because we loved each other too much. I would do anything for you, and I know you would do anything for me too. Our friendship really will last forever; I even love you more like a sister now than anything.
Speaking of sisters, you brought a miracle into my life when I was eight. I’ve prayed and prayed for my loneliness to end, and it finally did when my sister was born. I was so excited to finally share my knowledge of hairstyles and fashion sense with my carbon copy. The novelty of having a sibling wore off, however, and now you seem more annoying than adorable to me most times. We’ve had more than our fair share of fights and disagreements, but you will always be my sister. We’re bound by flesh and blood, we’re bound by name, and we’re bound by love.
The first time you came into my life in the shape of a little boy, I didn’t even know that it was you. You kind of snuck up on me, and I wasn’t aware that you were there during those times after school, eating the snacks my mother made for us and doing homework together. We were separated for a while though, because you had moved away, but you proved that distance was just a number when we reconnected again a few years later. By then, my mother had warned me about the changes in my body and the changes in my heart. She knew—somehow she knew about you and forced us apart because she couldn’t fathom the fact that her prepubescent daughter had already developed feelings for another. But once again, distance didn’t matter.
But time did. I was able to forget you for a while; you changed appearance and turned yourself into my best friend once again. But being my best friend was short lived because you quickly became my first boyfriend. This version of you was completely new to me; you made me feel things I’ve never felt before and experience things I’ve never had. You’ve made me think about the future, and you’ve made me have so much hope in you. But that exhilarating feeling of discovery didn’t last very long, because I discovered what it felt like to have my heart broken for the first time. My vision of you became so twisted by hurt and insecurity that I didn’t believe in you anymore. I simply gave up on you.
But you never gave up on me. You visited me once again in other forms as my parents, as my relatives, and as my friends. I was stubborn for the longest time, but you healed me and taught me to believe in myself. You taught me that experiencing you through my friends and family is just as fulfilling as the experiencing you through a significant other. It took a long time to learn that lesson, but now it has become a lesson that I myself have taught to others.
Lately, you’ve been showing up in my thoughts and in my dreams. Somehow, over the years you still managed to embed yourself into my skin, injecting little bits of you into my veins. The feelings weren’t as intense as they used to be, and something about you has changed, but I know you’re still the same form of love that came into my life when I was ten: my first love. I can’t ever get rid of you, can I? I have a feeling you’re going to be sticking around for a while, so I won’t even bother fighting you anymore. As much as I hope that this is the final time you mess with my heart, I know you’ll never be done with me.
So this Valentine’s Day, I’m celebrating you. I appreciate you in all of your forms: as my family, as my friends, as my lovers. I am grateful for the life lessons that you taught me, because some things can’t be taught through anyone else. You truly are a powerful force, and I am glad to have experienced you. Thank you, love, for making me who I am today.
Yours truly,
A human