In my first seminar this semester, my professor asked the class to participate in peer interviews as one of those typical ice-breaker activities. One of the questions we had to ask our peer was if there was anything in particular that had been on their mind a lot recently, and then let the rest of the class know the person’s response. When sharing, one student said her partner had been internally struggling with a question –Â “Do I miss home?”
What a beautiful, simplistic, challenging, and wonderfully complex question. Since leaving that class (It’s been more than a month ago) this question has been on my mind, because I’ve realized it encompasses a myriad of emotions that are brought to the surface in a college environment, no matter how close, or far, you are from your physical home. Do I miss the way things used to be, or simply romanticize them because nothing will ever be that way again? Do I miss the mindset I used to have, or cherish that it brought me to where I am now? Do I wish things were easier, or recognize that most things don’t feel easy as they’re happening?
Shouldn’t it be obvious, whether or not we miss home? What this question made me realize, is that maybe the answer isn’t as straightforward as it may seem. Maybe we’re afraid to admit that we don’t miss home as much as we should because the place we’re in now, whether physically or symbolically, is serving our present more than a past notion of “home” can or will. “Home” is often associated with the past, with a way things used to be rather than a reality of how they are now, and as such, it tends to be romanticized. On the other hand, maybe we’re afraid to miss it as much as we actually do, because in college we’re supposed to break free from our past and embark on our future without ever looking back.
All of these questions remind me of a beautiful quote by author Azar Nafisi, who wrote in her book, Reading Lolita in Tehran, “You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are right now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
The idea that home is more than a physical structure – rather a series of people, places, emotions, and mindsets – is far more deeply rooted in the reality of what we value. It is a combination of factors that come together to symbolize a time in your life, which is why home is an ever-evolving part of who we are. Those people, places, and emotions will change as often as we do, which is when we realize that maybe we don’t miss the way things used to be, but are simply adapting to the reality that is transforming before our very eyes at every moment of every day.