He’s Just Not That Into Us, So Why Do We Keep Trying?

It starts like this: you’re at the bar or club and meet a cute guy. You guys start dancing, drinks are bought and the playful flirting lasts all night. Suddenly, one of you asks for the other’s number and you guys start talking all day, every day. You make plans to hang out, talk about what you like, dislike and learn more about each other as the days go on. You think he’s genuinely into you because he snaps you daily, always gives you that extra “like” on Instagram (the sad truth of what “flirting” is today) and seems to care about you. You think to yourself, “Yeah, he’s a good guy. He’s one of the nice ones.” It’s college and everyone’s hooking up, so what’s stopping you two from getting together? After one night, your feelings reach a new high, you’re happy because things finally turned out the way you wanted and you think (again) that he’s truly into you. But what happens when he stops talking to you? The first day is no big deal. You tell yourself that he’s probably just busy. What happens when one day turns into two, three, etc. and all of sudden, it’s been weeks since you’ve heard from him? You sit there and look back at everything wondering, “What went wrong?” or “What did I do?” Eventually, this feeling will begin to go away, but it feels like these insecurities will never leave you. And just when you think you’re finally moving on from that one guy who wasn’t worth your time, the cycle starts all over again with someone new and your heart is in for yet another wild rollercoaster ride.

Welcome to the world of today’s hookup culture: the dangerous game of the everyday college student. We all at one point in our lives fall into this trap. We fall head over heels for a guy who isn’t worth our time, only to hurt ourselves in the end. We cling on to this one hope that maybe we’ll be the one girl that changes him, thinking that we’ll be his one exception. Sadly, this isn’t the case and we’re just one of the many on his list. If there is anything we learned from the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” it’s that if a guy wants to be with you, he’ll make it happen, no matter what. Ladies, if you’re with a guy who is clearly showing no interest in you or makes it clear that you’re just a “hit it and quit it,” you need to let him go. But for those that aren’t getting the message and keep pursuing him, sometimes you have to be blunt and say, “He’s just not that into you, so why keep trying?”

1. *Pssst* Take a hint: no message is also a message

If a guy wants to talk to you, he’ll call you. If a guy wants to hang out with you, he’ll make plans. If a guy wants to be with you, he’ll show it. It’s that simple. Not getting a message clearly means something and that is to stop all efforts of chasing a guy who doesn’t care about you. Next time you’re contemplating whether you should call or text him to hang out or to see how he’s doing, save yourself the rejection and don’t. The sad truth is, he’s probably not even thinking about reaching out to you.

2. #WasteOurTime2017: Stop wasting time on boys who genuinely don’t care

If there is anything I learned from my mom about boys, it was to never chase a guy. You’ll come off as desperate, which isn’t a good look for anyone, and someone he knows he can call at any given point because you’ll come running when he hits you with that 2:00 a.m. text or snap. Again, if a guy makes any effort to want to be with you, he cares about you or has some type of feeling toward you. But for those other guys who can barely remember your name the next morning, tell ‘em “boy bye.”

3. Take off those rose-colored glasses

Reality bites and it’ll hit you like a brick wall. Everything isn’t as perfect as we make it out to be in our heads and the dream world that we fantasize, the one where we end up with the guy, be the one girl that changes him and live happily ever after, never comes true. Instead, we end up alone, heartbroken and eating a pint of ice cream as we watch our favorite movies to help us cope. Ladies, we need to see things for how they truly are and not as the little fantasy world we’ve created for ourselves.

4. Don’t overthink

Not every relationship or fling that you get involved with needs an analysis of what went wrong. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and it’s time for you to move on. Making excuses for why he’s not talking to you or justifying whatever he did to you doesn’t help you or the situation. The emotional and mental stress that you’ll bring upon yourself will hurt you more than anything.

5. Focus on yourself

There is nothing more important than your self-worth. Being able to have others love you for who you are begins with you. Accept yourself, love your flaws and don’t question what you did wrong. Don’t let yourself be that 2:00 a.m. text that is just one of the many numbers he picked from his contact list. You are worth so much more than that.

• boys
• college
• dating
• FSU
• love
• relationships