Face it. We’re all jealous of those Victoria’s Secret Angels. It’s almost impossible not to be! They’re flawless; perfect bodies, shiny hair, perfectly sharp chompers which make their chewing to die for, smooth skin, toned legs. My sister’s getting married this weekend, and I hate all the attention she’s getting, so I figured: when’s a better time for a crash diet? Besides, it’s a beach wedding so when we aren’t at the actual wedding, all of the brides maids will be soaking up some rays, flaunting their beach bods, and fiercely inspecting the way I chew all of my meals. Also, my ex-boyfriend is bringing his fiance and I saw a picture of her after a SoulCycle class biting into a Luna Bar with the elegance of a prized show horse so I knew I needed a little inspo. For this week, I did some online research and followed the diets of some of the hottest Angels out there such as Adriana Lima, Miranda Kerr, and Gisele Bunchen. In a recent interview with Glamour, Lima said “It’s all about balance! I eat whatever I want, in moderation. But usually not sunflower seeds because when I try to chew those in a public setting I look like I have a mouth full of ants.” I laid out my week with the general basics: for breakfast, I had fruit, a cup of coffee (black) and a big bottle of water. The fruit was refreshing, and by Wednesday I was already easily chewing it to the rhythm of “Another One Bites The Dust” which everyone knows is Behati Prinsloo’s runway secret. Lunch was a lot of leafy greens and lean meats, both of which took me a while to really master the up-down side-to-side gnawing of, but I got there. Dinner was usually a large salad (which took me about six hours since I had to chew each leaf individually) and some salmon which made me pretty nervous so by Friday I was just swallowing it whole. I know that’s cheating but Gigi Hadid herself recently said in an interview with Cosmo: “I love a good cheat day! My jaw gets exhausted sometimes so it’s fun to kind of just shove a burrito in there!” Ugh, I feel you girl! By Sunday, I was exhausted, but it was worth it. Being a Victoria’s Secret Model is hard work, but it definitely comes with its rewards. With the wedding just a day away, I felt strong and confident at the rehearsal dinner, once again upstaging my sister who was masticating her bacon-wrapped date like some kind of goblin. I definitely can’t eat like a Victoria’s Secret Model all the time (I just can’t give up chocolate! The way it kind of squeaks when I grind it between my pearly whites means everything to me) but the challenge inspired me to keep pushing myself. I may not have Alessandra Ambrossio’s thighs, but I can munch the skin clean off a grape, and at the end of the day, I think that’s worth something.