There are girls that make it easy, and girls that make it really hard. Iām the second type. Iāve got my reasons why, and if you prove to me youāre worth it youāll realize why I am the way I am. Iāve been molded and shaped to be the way I am, chiseled and cut to be who I am. Iām not easy, in any way, shape or form. So if youāre interested, let me share a few things you should know before you get in too deep. Ā
I have had my fair share of heartbreaks, a few that devastated me and changed me. My heart hasĀ been broken and put back together a few times already, and Iām not interested in having someone shatter me again. Iām young and Iāve already felt and seen things that people spend a lifetime without. Iāve had someone make me feel like nothing, push me down constantly and the whole time they told me that was love. They made me believe that love meant struggle. Convinced me that it was supposed to be a rollercoaster;Ā so donāt be surprised when Iām overly emotional or sometimes anxious.
Iāve had someone make me feel wrong and at fault for nearly every little thing Iāve done. Telling me that if I had done āthisā or āthatā differently they wouldnāt be upset, when in reality all I did was hold them accountable for treating me wrong in the first place. But I ended up apologizing. Always. So donāt be surprised when I say sorry all the time for things that, to you, are absolutely nothing. To him they were everything.
Other girls have caused issues before, and as confident as I am with myself at this point in my life, I will still worry. Iām jealous at times and I will question you, not because I actually think you would do it, but because I didnāt think he would and he did. Trust is hard for me, and it can be taken away in a blink of an eye.
Iāve heard enough mental abuse to last me a lifetime. Iāve allowed someone to manipulate my head and heart, and because of that I will never allow someone to be disrespectful or mean ever again. Having to ask if it’s okay for me to go out with my friendsĀ or study with classmates, if I can wear a specific shirt because it shows a little more than he’d like, or if I can post this picture because I look a little too good in it was not okay. Having my heart race uncontrollably everytime I spoke my mind is not okay. And being treated like I’m nothing because he wanted to look cool is not okay.Ā So if you have a temper that will make you want to hurt me or control me rather than fix things, then walk away now.
I wonāt believe you in the beginning. Iāll doubt your feelings, and Iāll question if you really care because Iāve had people change their minds. Iāll lay my feelings out very fast because if you canāt handle them then Iāll know itās not right. If I sense the slightest bit of doubt in you, I will run because I canāt handle someone who half-loves me.
What it really comes down toĀ is Iām a big broken mess. Iām not perfect by any means, and there will be times where you have no idea if you can handle me. Iām a challenge, I require effort, and I will never allow someone to treat me less than I deserve ever again. But hereās the thing, I have so much to offer to you, besides all of this.
Iām strongĀ and Iāll provide support and comfort when you canāt hold yourself up. Iām silly and love laughter, Iāll do everything I can to put a smile on your face. Iām smart, and I think about things on different levels, including you and I. Iām happy in my skin, Iāll be comfortable with you without makeup in pure form. Iām socialĀ and Iāll want to be friends with your friends and loved by your family. I communicate, Iāll tell you when Iām hurt or when Iām happy. Iām loving, if you prove to me that you are worth my time, then I will give you everything I haveĀ and I will do absolutely anything for you. I don’t need you to fix me, in fact I don’t need you at all, but what I do need is to know that if I let you in you’re going to accept me. Flaws, scars, everything.Ā
So what it really comes down to is this, if I were to tell you that Iām hard to love, what would you do?
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