Y’all know the saying always the bridesmaid, never the bride? That’s my entire life. Only instead of it just being weddings, it’s everything. I have realized recently that I am never invited to events personally. When I am invited personally people expect me to bring my more personable, more likeable, more everything friends. I’m the auxiliary friend. The really cute side character friend. The ‘ I won’t get who I really want here without you’ friend. In other words, I’m the +1 friend.
I wish I could tell y’all I was alright with this. I mean I guess I prefer it over not being invited at all, but it just kind of gets me down when I think about it. What is it about me that is so decent? Average? Because I really think that’s what it is. They don’t hate me I just don’t make the cut. I’m not the person people first think about when making plans.When I show up there is no tension or hard feelings, but still why didn’t I get an invite? Why don’t I get a +1? I know I can’t be the only +1 friend so I have made a short list of things other +1s can do to address the situation.
1. Think about why you think you are a +1
Before you do anything else you should sit down and think about why you perceive yourself as a +1, and what evidence you have that supports that thought. I feel like sometimes people feel like a +1 when they aren’t. I, however, have numerous concrete examples of my +1ness and so when I finally brought it up I knew my feelings wouldn’t be dismissed.
2. Decide whether or not you are okay with being the +1.
If it doesn’t bother you, I guess there’s nothing else to do! Continue to live your life as programmed.
3. Address the problem
Okay so you are not okay with it. Now it is time to inform people about your concerns. Maybe they don’t realize they are doing it, and they feel terrible that that’s how you perceived it. This might just solve all of your +1 problems. Caveat: you may get pity invites now. Unfortunately, I can’t think of any way to ensure the pity invite thing doesn’t happen.
4. Appreciate the friends that do bring you along
For every instance, I wasn’t invited there was a good friend that said ‘ nah, you finna come.’ Instead of only focusing on the lack of an invite, truly appreciate that there is at least one person in your life that cares about including you. It’s one of the only silver linings of being a +1.
5. Realize just because you are a +1 doesn’t mean you’re lesser than your other friends.
I struggle with this one the most, and I stress it enough. You are important. You are important. You are important. And I am too. We are +1s, but we are just as worthy as everyone else.