I was introduced to hook-up culture much later than most of my friends and peers. In high school, I never really had a desire to hookup with guys. Quite honestly, I felt like most of the ones I interacted with were immature. To put it simply, I got everything out of the way in terms of hooking up one night at the end of high school. I lost my virginity, and never spoke to the guy I lost it to again. And, frankly, I was ok with that.
At a young age, I realized that virginity is really just a social concept and losing it is viewed as a “rite of passage.” Vaginal intercourse (from a female’s perspective) is merely just one aspect of having sex. According to Planned Parenthood, many people who have other forms of intercourse may or may not consider themselves virgins. Part of the population will never have penis-vagina sex, but they do not label themselves as a virgin (https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/virginity). I never felt attached to my virginity, so I felt that, if I was safe and responsible, then my partner did not necessarily have to be “the one.”
Losing my virginity opened up a new world for me. I realized that I really like sex. Suddenly, my deep connection to Samantha from “Sex and the City” made sense. I was a sexual being; I enjoyed exploring my sexuality. I liked having sex and I liked being a slut. I don’t get some sense of validation from the men I sleep.
Referring to myself as a slut is not a form of self-deprecation, but rather my choice to re-appropriate the word and give it power. Unfortunately, I was slut shamed A LOT after losing my virginity.
While the males on the football team were placed on a throne for their sexual escapades, I was placed as one of the legs on that throne. I was seen as an attribution to the male, but as an embarrassment to myself.
The problem with having a lot of sex, as a woman, is not that it’s a bad thing or that it stands for a lack of respect for oneself. The problem is that there is a double standard regarding how we treat men who are “sluts” and women who are “sluts.” There is no validity to this double standard. It gives into the misogyny of our society.
You are no less of a human being for having a lot of sex.
I believe this is especially important in terms of how women view other women. I do not believe that we should put down other women for having sex. We shouldn’t’t tear other women down for having agency over their bodies. We should be supportive of their decisions and prove to men that the double standard is invalid and needs to be expelled from our society’s values.
The only stipulation for having sex is that it MUST be mature, consensual and responsible. The necessary precautions need to be taken whether or not the female chooses to be on birth control and condoms always need to be discussed before intercourse. Diseases need to be communicated to one another and each person needs to consent. Lastly, even the safest couple can end up with a pregnancy, so you need to understand that this might be a situation you have to deal with when having sex. This means you need to think about who your partner is and what you would do if this were to happen to you.
At the end of the day, sex is what you make of it. Some sex can be romantic and passionate. Some sex can be fun and entertaining. Some sex can be rough and steamy. And some sex can just be a one-night stand or an opportunity to blow off some steam. If it’s your body, then you determine how much sex you want to have and with whom. No one has the right to judge your choices, because at the end of the day we are all people with varying levels of sexual needs.