*TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault*
It’s been one year since I was sexually assaulted and my life was changed forever.
The first semester of my freshman year in college, I was that stereotypical freshman girl who never partied in high school, but once college started, I went out all the time. Every weekend, I’d be at some frat house off campus getting absolutely trashed. I was living for the weekend and the weekend only. I knew I was making friends with the wrong people, but in my head I told myself it was okay because all that mattered was that I was able to blow off some steam at the end of the week. I thought I was safe.
I was wrong.
One Friday night, I was at a toga party not too far from campus. My “friend” had gotten me and a few others in, and we were all having a good time. There were so many people in the house, and I remember it being almost unbearably loud. Without going into detail, my “friend” ended up sexually assaulting me that night at the party.
No one stopped him.
I could blame it on the alcohol and say that everyone was too drunk to even realize what was happening, but in reality, I did nothing to stop it. I pretended that I was okay with it. I’ve never been good at saying “no.” People have told me time and time again that I’m too nice for my own good. This incident was the worst possible downside to my major character flaw of being too kind to those who don’t deserve it.
I left the party by myself shortly thereafter. I remember the frat brother who was DDing that night was being so genuinely nice on the drive back to campus, but I could barely think straight, let alone hold a decent conversation. A million things were running through my head all at once. He dropped me off at my dorm, smiled, waved, and left. I went to bed that night feeling empty.
Seeing him on campus the next week was hard.
When I saw him, it made me nervous, uncomfortable, and most of all, disgusted with myself. I walked as fast as I could past him, and refused to look him in the eyes. It felt as if I were to make eye contact with him, I would break down completely.
I stayed silent for a long time.
I broke off the friendship with my assaulter, but I never told him how much he damaged me. I never told any of my friends about the incident until recently. Starting now, I want to share this experience in hopes that someone, somewhere might be inspired to change things for the better.
Sexual Assault is a serious problem, especially in college students. RAINN reports that “among undergraduate students, 23.1% of females and 5.4% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.”Â
If you are struggling, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Learn more here.Â