I’m Not a Hero, and I Never Needed to Be One

     I have been turning over in my mind for months what my first article for Her Campus should be. When I first joined the VSU chapter, I was optimistic about the opportunity to advocate for the women around me and write articles in support of them; however, I ran into a wall literally hours after I got into the group. I wanted to do so many different things that I over-analyzed myself into a corner mentally and became stagnant in terms of my written work. Throw in the hassles of school, family, and my relationship with my fiancée and you’ve got the most nightmarish writer’s block that one could possibly think of. I should have stopped at some point and just wrote something, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so; I didn’t want to write about the wrong thing or give an inaccurate perspective seeing that my writing would be geared towards women more than anything. I’m not a pick-me, nor do I say anything just to get brownie points with the women around me. I did have to realize, however, that even though I may have good intentions, I cannot be the end-all-be-all for the problems women encounter because I am only one person. I can make a difference in my own small and unique way and encourage change and evolution on a larger scale with the women of Her Campus. 

     You see, my fiancée told me a while back that while women accept and welcome the men around them supporting their efforts, they don’t need us to fight for them either because there was a time and a place for that decades ago and when they didn’t receive it, they took matters into their own hands. While I understood she meant no harm, I think that conversation froze me in my tracks in terms of writing for Her Campus; I had lost all sense of what my focal point would be. I almost considered quitting the group from that conversation alone, to tell the truth; I was at a loss for words in terms of writing. I spent many days frustrated in front of my notebook or computer screen; how was I supposed to support the women around me if the perspective I offered wasn’t needed? How could I do anything for the women around me if I couldn’t be one of the more influential parts of the group? I wrote that sentence just now and cringed at the fact that I wanted to be that person rather than just contributing in my own way without expectation of rewards or acknowledgment. In that moment, I had to take a step back and realize it wasn’t about being a voice for the efforts of feminism or being the savior of the women around me; in my case, it was about writing to provide a perspective to women (and men) that would be to help the spaces I’m in evolve– which includes women in the conversation respectfully. I know now that I’m writing not so much as an advocate for women but as a supporter of women. I want my writing to be read by men who might be unaware or ignorant to how their actions can impede and deter the efforts of the women around them to gain equality.

     Many don’t understand that their actions with the women around them are often dismissive and insensitive to what they deal with everyday, even mine at times. While I am working on myself daily, I want to encourage the men around me to start taking a second look at their actions day in and day out around women. Not to be their savior or to rescue them from the perils of fighting the feminist fight without the support of men, but to understand that change starts from within. I had to change my perspective from being that of someone who would save the women around me, as they never needed saving in the first place. I am still growing and learning everyday, and I realize that I was once a naive individual in terms of how I supported the women around me; I especially recognize now that I can support without being the absolute resolution to the problem. The strongest example I have is of my own fiancée, whom just started writing articles of her own; she has already garnered a widespread response from the individuals around her for her first written piece on her experiences with Bipolar II disorder. Even though I have been a supportive figure for her, there was nothing I could do to save her from her experience; I could only be there in the ways she allowed me to. I find myself wanting to do the same through the articles I write for Her Campus now, and I can gratefully say that my writer’s block is over.  With that being said, next year I plan to do spotlight interviews, surveys on women’s safety, and more in support of the women around me rather than as their saving grace. I never want to take credit away from the women who allowed me to join this group, and now that I’ve figured out how to do so without invalidating their experiences, I feel I can write completely and utterly in support of all women. I want to thank the women of VSU’s Her Campus for allowing me the opportunity to join them in their efforts for equality and giving a voice to the feminine entity, and I hope that I can provide a unique perspective into my experiences as a supporter of feminism and equality for all.