Let’s face facts here — relationships in between the winter and spring semester as a college student can be difficult. When you have finals on the way, late night library trips, 3 a.m. papers to write and some nights you can’t remember, life tends to get even harder when you have someone in the equation.
If you have ever gone through the awkward stage where you make countless amounts of excuses about your true feelings, seem to not be ready to get back into the dating game, still hung over something that ended or simply need to focus on you; you are probably emotionally unavailable, and that’s okay. Here are six reasons why being emotionally unavailable is okay:
1. Protecting Your Heart
Going through the motions of heartbreak can be tough. You may have been through hell and back, and now it’s time for a little tender love and care to one of the most vital organs in your body. Even if you really adore that person, let us not forget that your heart is a big deal and it deserves to be loved with the same amount of respect and care you wish to give to others.
So put up your walls as an emotionally unavailable person! Often walls have to build in order for the real ones to break them down. This is okay because in life not everyone you should trust so freely with your heart.
2. You May Not Be Into the Hookup Lifestyle
First, let me state hookups can be exciting and fulfilling experience. This can either lead to great moments or life lessons, and this is 100 percent okay. Create your own boundaries and explain your terms before sealing the deal it’s great.
But often, as an emotionally unavailable person, this may not be the ideal lifestyle to follow because the fear of getting caught up in another emotional connection that could possibly be the outcome scares the sh*t out of you.
Trust me, if your anything like me who gets emotionally attached, hooking up with someone isn’t for you. Mainly because to me, it only leads you to get your hopes up to potentially mean more to a person other than just being a hookup. In my mind, if we ever were to hookup, we’re dating.
“Hooking up is one of the main things I can’t do when I am emotionally unenviable, which sucks because I have those days where I want to, Virginia Commonwealth University junior Blake Degard said. “It just leads me into more stress because though I don’t want anything more than a hookup, often the girls I go for often want more than what I am willing to give them at this time in my life.”
3. You Are Healing
Breathe in, and breathe out. At last, you’ve reached a critical point in feeling better about the current situation. If you have ever felt as if you carry the weight of others, relationships and your own personal problems, healing is a matter of time; but once you healed its smooth sailing.
Yes, this action often is easier said than done, but as an emotionally unavailable person, this can lead you in to being a little selfish and focused on you. But guess what? That aspect is 100 percent okay.
We all want things to work out in our favor in the universe and this can be achieved but is tricky when your emotions are down in the dumps. As an emotionally unavailable person who is trying to heal you may find yourself flaking on plans, ignoring people you care for or overthinking situations.
4. You May Not Be Over Someone or You’re Are Ready to Let Someone Go
Not being over someone can lead to an emotionally draining couple of days, months or years. The same feeling is mutual when it comes to finally laying your foot down and getting ready to let someone go who doesn’t suit what you need.
As an emotionally unavailable person, you may be feeling this way. Often when it comes down to not being over someone such as an ex, crush, friend or family member, you can still be holding out for someone who has your heart.
This feeling is normal, and it’s okay to not be over someone or get ready to cut ties with them. Additionally, when it comes to letting someone go that is okay, too! Often in life, ruling out negative people potentially can be more beneficial than keeping them around.
I have also to fallen into that mindset of not being over someone such as ex-relationships that couldn’t seem to work. At times, I placed far to much hope and trust in the wrong people, and I ended up getting exactly what I did not want — getting my feelings hurt.
The main thing is you have to try to focus yourself and what you need to do life. Know that not all soulmates are supposed to be in your life forever. Some teach you lessons, give you blessings and sadly tears. The person you are becoming will cost you things.
Additionally, if the person is meant to be in your life, they we will come back willingly because they love you. So with that in mind trust in the universe, faith and/or yourself. For my fellow collegiettes who are ready to let someone go, think clearly before you do so. Think of the person they are (good and bad) and what led you to this choice. Once you evaluate everything to make your choice, it’s always great to seek advice from friends or family.
5. You Are Tired of Relying On a Co-Dependence for Happiness
Good vibes and love should be spread all around. However, when it comes to happiness, depending on someone or something can be an emotionally draining situation in the long run. If the ties are cut, what do you do now?
The feeling of being burned out by having to rely on someone else for happiness isn’t okay, and now you’ve come to the realization to flee from the emotional strain. As an emotionally unavailable person, it’s okay that you want to create your own happiness and you’re tired of needing others help.
6. You Are Now Becoming the Person You Truly Need to Be
Even if relationships fail, you let someone go or life has just gotten you in a emotionally rut — you are legendary. Personally, I have learned so much more about the woman I am becoming by examining all the ups and downs that led me becoming emotionally available.
Along with this action of choice ends up for me not being a loss after all! So with that mind, take time to examine the problems with the relationship. Ask yourself this: Was this person helping you become a better person? Did they believe in you? Is this situation worth it?
Throughout the in and outs of my dating life, I then realized, I am the person who gobbles massive amounts of pasta, writes A+ papers at 3 a.m and isn’t afraid to open her heart back up to someone who is worth it. I’ve learned that I am not perfect and I don’t have to be. I’ve become the person I am destined to be, and that person is happy.
The feeling of being an emotionally unavailable person is okay, and do not let others tell you otherwise because it is now time for you to create your own happiness
photo credit: cover