As I was reading the poem “For women who are difficult to love” by Warsan Shire, one quote in particular really stood out to me. The quote is, “you can’t make homes out of human beings, somebody should have already told you that.” I read it once more after reading it again but this time I didn’t just read it, I felt it, too. She’s right, you can’t make homes out of human beings, and man do I wish someone had told me that before I did.
I didn’t do it on purpose. Quite frankly, I didn’t even realize I did this, until one day I found myself homesick while sitting inside my own house. Home wasn’t four walls anymore, it was her arms and the sound of her heartbeat. Home was anywhere I was when I was by her side, or looking at her breathtaking face on FaceTime. Home was waking up in the middle of the night to her arms pulling me closer to her. Home was the look in her eyes when she said I love you. Home was the comfort and security of her arms wrapped around my body. Home was no longer one single place. How do you stop being homesick for a person you can no longer wrap your arms around? When you are longing to hear the sound of someone’s heartbeat knowing you can never hear it again, how do you fix that? When you crave the taste of their lips on yours, how do you suffice that craving?
It has been a difficult road to curing a homesick feeling for somewhere I can no longer be. It is possible to overcome the longing feeling to go back to the norm, it just isn’t easy. Not everyday is going to be simple, some days are going to be harder than others but you can do it. Now, not everyone heals in the same ways, but some of the ways I have been curing my homesick feeling has to do with falling in love with my college and the life I am living.
MCLA is an easy place to fall in love, when you appreciate the small things. The view is one of the greatest parts of attending college in the Berkshire. The mountains are beautiful, especially when the sun is setting. A warm day spent in the quad with a berry frost smoothie from the cafe and quirky friends is always a plus. Let us not forget the small class sizes and professors who really care for your education and wellbeing (especially the ones who quiz you before exams to make sure you’re as prepared as you feel and help you find holes in your studying techniques).
There is almost always something going on around campus, whether it’s a sport event or something put together by SAC, you can almost always find something to do. If not, there is the gym, Mass MoCa, and The Clark which are all free. Oh and let’s not forget Blazer Bucks which gets “free” pizza at Dominos and Pizza works, yum!
Take the time and appreciate the small things about your everyday life and your surroundings. That friend who is always quirky and you can always count on to answer your FaceTime calls, but you never would’ve met if you didn’t come to MCLA, take the time to appreciate the laughter you share.
Life isn’t all that bad and you don’t need another person to feel complete. Sometimes you are going to want to lay in bed and think of all the times you once shared with the person who holds your heart. It is okay to look back sometimes, but always remember to appreciate the present as well. Try navigating those thoughts to the moments you have recently enjoyed with family, friends and even yourself. Try and take time in everyday to appreciate a few different things everyday. There’s something good in even the worst of the worst days. Appreciate a scene from your favorite movie or TV series, appreciate the existence of your favorite actor or actress, appreciate your health and the life you are living.
Feeling homesick for another person can be difficult and if at the end of the day you just can’t shake the feelings, be grateful you had the opportunity to love someone so much. Be grateful for all the moments you were able to spend with them, and take this pain and learn from it. Next time, don’t forget you can’t make homes out of other human beings. You are your own person, and though your heart may be hurting now, you will find home and happiness again. Don’t expect it to just go away. Know it does take time and it will be okay. You will get there, one step at a time.