Nice guys finish last is such a cliché. Every time I hear that phrase I instantly feel my eyes subconsciously roll back into my head. Thank goodness eyes cannot get ‘stuck,’ or I would be in serious trouble. Like any good platitude, there is normally an ounce of truth associated with the statement, and this is true with “nice guys finish last.”
HOWEVER, maybe, just maybe there is a reason nice guys finish last. And maybe, just maybe, it’s not because women are blind to true love.
Ultimately, saying you’re a nice guy means nothing. It’s akin to a restaurant saying its food will not make you sick. Or a film’s highest praise being ‘this movie is in English.” It’s expected and hopefully a self-evident component of any relationship.
So, let’s delve into why?
- The obvious answer is girls see them as friends, buddies. It’s the deep-set desire for a “gay best friend.” Come on, we all secretly want one. Over the years, friendships between straight women and gay men have been a subject of pop culture fascination. Books, television shows and movies have all highlighted and glamorized this unique relationship, noted for its closeness and depth. Someone to tell us we look fabulous and to unapologetically gossip with over lattes.
At first glance, this relationship may seem quite counterintuitive. (After all, straight women and gay men don’t mate with one another.) However, this is precisely the reasoning behind my approach— there is no pressure associated with sex. Due to the fact gay men don’t mate with women – or compete with them for mates – women feel a certain level of comfort with gay men, and the process of forming a close friendship can occur relatively quickly. With heterosexual men (who, by definition, are sexually attracted to women), the process is longer – and potentially more fraught – because men may be grappling with their own sexual impulses. In other words, because gay men are attracted to their own gender, they’re a “safe bet” for women – at least, from a sociobiological standpoint. When a woman friendzones someone she is essentially classifying him as, what I like to call: “a gay best friend who’s not gay.”
- NOT ATTRACTIVE.
When Harry Met Sally comes in clutch with the life advice and brutal truth.
Harry: She has a good personality.
[Jess stops walking, turns to Harry, raises his arms in the air]
Harry: What?
Jess: When someone’s not that attractive, they’re always described as having a good personality.
Harry: Look, if you had asked me what does she look like and I said, she has a good personality, that means she’s not attractive. But just because I happen to mention that she has a good personality, she could be either. She could be attractive with a good personality, or not attractive with a good personality.
If you are a nice guy finishing last, you might be physically described as having a great personality.
Sorry, not sorry.
You could be the sweetest, smartest, and most generous man in the world but if the woman doesn’t find you attractive, it’s probably game over.
There is a great J.K. Rowling quote that reads:
“Is ‘fat’ [unattractive] really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.”
How idealistic, but I doubt many of us access potential dates in such a manner. Although, maybe we should.
3. Finally, nice guys are boring. Furthermore, everyone should be nice. If all you have going for you in life is that you are a nice person, well excuse me for not throwing rocks at your window. I don’t know of any girl who lists nice on her dream man list. Come to think of it, I only know one friend with such a list. Regardless, most women want a funny, smart, charismatic, and handsome man. Nice is assumed. So is bathing… FYI.
All in all, nice guys finishing last might not be the worst thing ever. You should date someone who excites you, challenges you, and makes you giddy with happiness. Don’t date a boy just because he’s nice.