Everyone has different experiences with dating while in college. Some have great luck and find their person in the span of those four years. Meanwhile, some people end up having a harder time dating or keeping up with all the crap that comes with dating in today’s society. Since dating in college can be so great and difficult at the same time, I wanted to write about it. So, I asked some of my friends a few questions about this topic in the hopes that they would have funny or enlightening stories and some good pieces of advice to share.
*For anonymity purposes, all names have been changed.
Macey*
What year are you in and how old are you?
I’m in my first year of my graduate degree and I am 23 years old.
What has dating in college been like for you?
I started off college when I was in a long-term relationship. My boyfriend and I were doing long distance for a while and it was a really difficult time in my life. I had just moved to a different province. I was trying to balance the pressures of university, and my relationship just progressively broke down as time went on. We were off and on again for quite a while but eventually decided to break it off. The first three years of this dating in college thing were hectic and stressful to say the least. Since then I’ve been dating casually and overall it’s been a good experience for me. It’s helped me figure out what I want in a partner. It’s revealed things about myself that I want to work on, and I’ve gotten to know some pretty interesting people. I’ve never really been one to use dating apps so all of the relationships that I’ve had have developed by meeting someone through friends. I prefer meeting people this way, but I’m also trying to keep an open mind to other avenues. I feel no rush to get into any serious relationship any time soon. I’m focused on other ambitions like traveling and getting my career where I want it.
Based on your experiences, what dating advice would you give to fellow students or soon-to-be college students?
My dating advice to someone entering university would be to not take it too seriously. If a relationship doesn’t work out, you have a bad date, or completely embarrass yourself, just know that it’s all part of the process. I would also say to be open, give people a chance, and don’t overthink it! Dating is supposed to be fun!
Annie*
What year are you in and how old are you?
I’m in fourth year and am 21 years old.
What has dating in college been like for you?
Dating from my first year was a great experience. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my ex throughout our relationship. We were each other’s better half and best friend. We started dating few months in my first year while he was in his last year of university. I didn’t really think of the future at that moment because he was my first boyfriend. I was definitely happy being in the moment. Our relationship lasted two years and honestly, I wouldn’t change anything about our relationship.
Based on your experiences, what dating advice would you give to fellow students or soon-to-be college students?
Don’t rush or look for someone immediately. Focus on learning about yourself and creating memories that you’ll never forget. First year is all about new life experiences! Definitely go out of your comfort zone, it’s worth it. If you do find someone, remember who you were always. Don’t ever change yourself for anyone; only you can make that choice. I don’t regret dating long-term immediately coming into university, but sometimes I wondered how different my first year would have been if I was single. Don’t ever be sad or doubt yourself if you don’t find anyone. I knew some friends that went out of their ways to date boys that weren’t worth their time only because they felt the need to have someone around constantly. Of course, everyone gets a little lonely especially being away from home, missing their families, pets and friends but I would refrain from filling that gap with guys who can’t treat you right. Always know your worth and don’t stoop low because you just want someone around constantly.
Rosalie*
What year are you in and how old are you?
I am in my fourth year and I am 21 years old.
What has dating in college been like for you?
The first two years of university I was in a long-distance relationship. Me and my boyfriend at the time had met when I was 14 years old and we dated throughout high school. Since I had been in a relationship since I was 14, I didn’t think there was any option other than to try long distance. The reality was that I was scared of moving away from home and I was scared to be single. During frosh week, I met a great group of friends and school started to feel like a second home. Although, I was still holding back. My relationship was toxic and I didn’t know how to talk to anyone about it. Out of my girlfriends, I was the only one who had ever had a boyfriend. I felt like I couldn’t talk about my relationship because they just wouldn’t understand. I realize now if I had just talked about it more I would have had the courage to break up with him, but I can’t dwell too much on the past. We broke up at the end of my second year. I was 19 years old and I had not been single since I was 14. Honestly, it was a relief but at the same time my self-esteem had been shattered and I told myself I wasn’t good enough for anyone. So, since then it has been my goal to rediscover myself and to learn how to love myself.
My third year was my best year yet! I was single, meeting new people, going out more, all in all just having a great year. Then when I least expected it, my second relationship happened. It lasted two months during the summer, but I was his rebound and it ended with cheating. I was left wondering what I did wrong that caused him to cheat. It took me way longer than it should have to understand it was never my fault. So, I went into my final year single again and back on my journey to self-love.
This year has been challenging, but rewarding. I have been busy with school, work and enjoying my time with friends. As for dating this year, it has only been casual. I am in no rush, we are still young and have our whole lives ahead of us. I believe the right person will come into my life when I least expect it. At the moment, I am not interested in searching for it. It will happen when it is meant to. Anyways, to be loved you have to fully love yourself first.
Based on your experiences, what dating advice would you give to fellow students or soon-to-be college students?
I am going to make this simple; my advice is to just enjoy your time in college because the years go by way too fast and next thing you know it’s over. Make sure to spend time with your friends and make good memories. If you are dating someone and they sincerely make you happy, cherish those moments too. Instead of overthinking things, appreciate life and do whatever makes you happy. I believe our twenties are about exploration, learning all of our strengths, weaknesses and capabilities. There will be ups and downs. However, we learn from those and become resilient. There may be heartbreaks, but we grow stronger as people. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason and everything has a purpose. We may not understand everything in the moment but maybe one day it will all make sense. So, for now try and find positivity in any situation and love yourself. One thing I have experienced while dating is, people notice if you do not have self-confidence. In my case, it has made some people disinterested in a second date. For anyone who may be going through something similar, let me just say confidence is the most beautiful thing on a person! Love yourself and appreciate everything you have to offer. It makes a huge difference. Try it and see for yourself. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there when it comes to dating. If you fall down, just get back up and try again. That’s what life is all about.
I’m so incredibly grateful to the girls who agreed to answer these questions and I hope that you can take something from their answers!