Trigger Warning: This article discusses topics surrounding sexual assault.
The semester has officially begun and the campus is full of anticipation. Once classes and the same, busy routines begin, what’s one to do to finally release all the pent-up stress and energy from the week? One common strategy this time of year is to party. Going out to a small party or an all-campus party can be a great way to spend time with your friends, dance to your heart’s desire, and ignore your academic responsibilities for a few hours. Along with this comes the opportunity to drink, talk to new people with far more ease than any other day, and even hook up with someone, whatever that may mean for you.
However, with all these exciting experiences, there are some risks that often come with being around people you don’t know well, trying to hook up with others, and drinking alcohol, especially if it’s a new experience for you. Whether or not you’re experienced in any of these aspects of parties, they’re often complicated to navigate clearly and safely. The combination of these aspects makes it even more important to have some guidelines and boundaries for yourself and others before going into any overwhelming situations. There are many precautions and warnings regarding both intoxication and sexual assault that have been given over the years, but it can’t hurt, especially in the first month of the semester, to provide another a reminder of possible ways to partake safely in these potentially confusing activities. Unfortunately, there’s always those who may use any confusion to their advantage.
It is important to note before explaining these methods to try and improve the safety of yourself and others that taking all these precautions doesn’t guarantee your safety. If you are a victim of sexual assault or are anytime in the future, it’s not, by any means, your fault. There’s nothing you can do to stop someone who was willing to violate you from doing so. With that being said, here’s some advice regarding the party and hookup culture on campus:
Know Your Limits
An important part of trying to drink responsibly is knowing your own body’s reaction to alcohol and keeping track of how much your decision making and motor functions are affected by alcohol at any point. This is always difficult to know, as your tolerance can be greatly affected by a number of changing factors, such as how much you ate that day, water intake, and sugar levels. Knowing your limits is especially difficult to navigate as a first year as you may have little to no experience drinking. Be sure to take it slow, count your drinks, and try to avoid hooking up or leaving the party with potential partners until you have a better understanding of your body’s tolerance and levels of intoxication.
For other more experienced drinkers, it’s still important to count drinks for your own safety and to inform your trusted friends or a potential hookup partner. It’s always risky mixing alcohol and hookups, as consent needs to be clear, knowing, and voluntary, but it is a reality of what many college students do.
Take note of your friend’s level of intoxication and try to stay with them if they seem too drunk and cannot possibly give consent. While they are an adult and you may not always want to be responsible for them or even be able to stop them, it is helpful to at least try to make sure they’re making safe choices. Be cautious with whom you trust with your safety in case you are not sober enough to make decisions. If you have been sexually assaulted or felt violated either by a friend or when you were too inebriated to give your consent, you are, of course, not at all at fault. Those who take advantage of someone’s trust or level of intoxication are solely responsible for violation of the victim.
Plan Ahead with Trusted Friends
If you know you are going out, whether that is going to a party, to meet someone, or anywhere with drugs or alcohol, always be sure to tell someone where you’re going and if and when to expect you back. If you are going to a party with friends, plan to meet up or, at least, check in at a certain time of the night. In these environments, it’s always best to have a trusted sober friend checking in on your whereabouts and level of intoxication. In case you do become separated from your friends, be sure to always have your phone sound on. If you leave the party with or without someone else, it’s best to find your friend in person to make sure they’re safe. They can try to make sure you’re in a coherent state and let you know if you are not sober enough to safely leave. At the very least, call or send a text letting them know you’re leaving and who you are leaving with.
If you are a first-year who has not yet made very trusted friends, you may want to reconsider being intoxicated in a crowded or unfamiliar environment altogether. If you feel you must, at least tell your roommate when you should be home or check in with them via text or call so they know if you’re safe. I should again note, that victims often know the individual who assaulted them and some even considered them a friend. While you can try to be as safe as you can, your safety is unfortunately not always guaranteed. As long as people are willing to violate others, you cannot blame yourself for being violated.
Communication
If you do end up leaving the party with a potential hookup, communication should continue! Forward communication from all individuals involved is crucial to limit misunderstandings and build boundaries. You should be very clear about limits and intentions, as well as those of your partner. Be sure to ask each other what they are comfortable with, try to be as specific as you can, and, of course, always use some form of protection. Make sure you ask periodically if they’re okay with certain things and be sure to get a firm yes. Be very vigilant and observant of signs regarding their level of intoxication.
If you are unable to have these conversations either because of your level of intoxication or discomfort, it’s probably best to wait. If they are reluctant to wait or make you feel bad for trying to get to a comfortable and coherent level, you should remember that you don’t owe them anything. If they are inconsiderate of your boundaries it’s likely best to leave their company for the night.
If you are uncomfortable with being blunt, one strategy would be going to the bathroom to call a friend or, if they don’t answer, make an excuse to help a friend in need. Remember you do not owe them anything and feel free to tell them this isn’t a good idea or that they’re being inconsiderate. If they’re being especially rude or you don’t feel coherent enough to explain, feel free to leave without feeling the need to explain why.
Communication is important even if none of the individuals involved are under the influence. You should be having these same conversations and making sure to get a firm yes. If something feels wrong at all to anyone involved at any point or they appear at all uncomfortable, you should stop at whatever point you’re at.
The most important part of reducing the risk of sexual assault is to not sexually assault someone.
Even if you’re not pushy or forcing yourself on someone, it is still very possible to go over the line. Do not engage with someone physically without a clear, knowing yes and remember that consent given for one specific act does not necessarily mean consent for anything further. Always watch for any signs they may be incapacitated, but because this may sometimes be difficult to determine, it’s always safest to not hook up in any form if either of you have been drinking. Consent must be clearly and knowingly given. Under no circumstance is the victim responsible for any form of violation they feel in the present or afterward, and it’s crucial that you avoid any action that could possibly result in later discomfort. If any sign or signal is unclear or either of you seems uncomfortable, it’s safest to stop and clarify intentions and boundaries. Try to avoid discomfort and misunderstandings by checking in on one another’s comfort frequently.
Consent can only be given in the form of a firm, sober yes from the individuals involved and these individuals can, of course, inform each other if they change their mind at any point. Because of this, it’s advisable to avoid mixing any form of physical engagement and any inhibitory substance altogether. However, both drinking culture and hookup culture are very present on so many college campuses. It’s not uncommon for them to become intertwined and increasingly difficult to navigate safely. This makes it even more crucial to watch out for one another and do what you can to ensure one another’s safety.
Campus Title IX Policy
https://www.kenyon.edu/files/resources/title-ix-kenyon-18-19.pdf
Non- Confidential Services:
Title IX Coordinator: (740) 427-582
Campus Safety:(740) 427-5000
Sexual Misconduct Advisors: (740) 358-1544
Confidential Resources:
These resources can provide counseling, information, and support under confidentiality protections. These confidential resources will not share information about a reporting party, complainant, or respondent (including whether or not that individual has received services) with the Title IX Coordinator or any other employee of the College without the individual’s express permission
Health Center: (740) 427-5525
Counseling Center: (740) 427-5643
Marc Bragin, College Chaplain: (740) 427-5228
Rachel Kessler, College Chaplain: (740) 427- 5787
More advice and experiences regarding these topics on campus:
Understanding My Sexual Assault
https://www.hercampus.com/school/kenyon/understanding-my-sexual-assault
The Importance of Avoiding Misunderstandings in Sex
https://www.hercampus.com/school/kenyon/importance-avoiding-misunderstandings-sex
What I Wish I’d Known About Sexual Assault as a First Year
https://www.hercampus.com/school/kenyon/what-i-wish-id-known-about-sexual-assault-first-year