My names Kayla and that handsome fella above is my boyfriend of 8 months, Donnie. And for the past 2 months, we’ve been dating long distance.
Now you might be reading this as someone currently in a long distance relationship, or maybe even someone who just got out of one, and maybe you’re just reading this with the full intention of using it to line your cats litter box or something.
But whatever the case may be we can all probably agree on one thing: dating in college is tough as hell.
According to a little research via creditdonkey.com, approximately 14 to 15 million people in the US consider themselves in a long distance relationships (that’s a lot of skype calls!) and nearly a third of those relationships are college students. Yet about 70% of those relationships fall through after 4.5 months. Most studies showed that only about 2% of high school sweethearts stayed together, the other 98% breaking up due to lack of trust, cheating, loss of intimacy, wanting to explore other options, or just plain old laziness.
As I read through article after article with the same miserable stats, I felt my heart sink for the exact reason I avoided looking up such statistics before college. It was kind of a bummer. But this did not defer people from giving me their opinion on the matter, from my older friends giving me breakup advice, my closest teacher saying it just wouldn’t work, people I hardly knew saying they “admired” the effort. I distinctly remember discussing holiday breaks with my best friend when a man sitting next to us on the train turns over, smiles and in that I-don’t-mean-to-intrude-but-I-gladly-will-way, and says; “Oh honey, most couples don’t make it past Thanksgiving, where I’m from we call it the Turkey Dump”.
The Turkey Dump. Summed up in two words, this random man on the subway had summed up our doomsday, we would not make it past turkey day.
Feeling a bit, okay, a lot, discouraged, I went to my best friend for advice. We did our usual McDonalds and Wawa trip and sat in my car while she let me express my grievances — No one has faith anymore! We can do this right? Is it oh so crazy to think that maybe just maybe we’d survive? I’ve seen people do it, why can’t we? Why is everyone such a pessimist!
And my darling best friend beloved, in all her infinite wisdom goes “just don’t be lazy.” Lazy? What do you mean lazy? “I mean don’t be lazy.” she shrugged. And that was that.
Okay I’ll be upfront and cut right to the chase; I am no dating expert. My stomach still turns thinking about past first dates, snapchat flirting and awkward next days after bad hookups and even now most days feel like learning how to balance a tightrope when I’m scared of heights. Which is why I called on a few friends to give their advice via their own love lives to help make sense of this messy, exciting, slightly scary thing we call long distance.
*note: all names have been changed for sake of privacy
A.R Dated her boyfriend for 2 years before breaking up with him in college.
What ultimately played a factor in the two of you breaking up?
The loss of understanding each other.
Do you think long distance can work?
Yes because I’ve seen it work, even with people that have lived in different countries.
Do you believe in ‘right person, wrong timing’ mentality?
Yes, because sometimes people enter your life and nothings felt more right. I dont think it’s ever convenient for someone to enter your life, and sometimes they leave but if it’s the right person they might come back.
Warning signs that it might be time to call it quits?
Not talking, don’t feel the need or desire to talk.
Advice for those thinking about dating long distance?
Don’t sugar coat anything, whatever you feel, say it.
What’s your favorite Netflix movie/series to watch when you’re feeling down?
Peaky Blinders and Cheetah Girls 2!
P.H has been dating his S/O for 1 year and 3 months.
Did you ever discuss taking a break/breaking up before college?
NO! (“put that in all caps”)
What did you anticipate would be the hardest part of dating long distance?
Not being able to see their beautiful face everyday.
What is something you miss doing with your S/O
Cuddling, it releases oxytocin!
What do you think are some factors that can play a role in long distance relationships not working out?
Terrible communication, not seeing each other enough, jealousy- college is a different adventure, you’re hanging with people of both genders and it might make your s/o uncomfortable. Like hanging out with the opposite sex at 11:00 would be weird in high school but now its completely normal.
Advice to those thinking about dating long distance?
Make sure you’re honest about everything.
Do you believe in the ‘right person, wrong time” mentality?
No, love transcends distance. If it’s the right person there’s no such thing as wrong time.
What’s your favorite movie to watch with your S/O?
Mamma Mia, the most embarrassing answer but our first kiss was to Forest Gump if you want to throw that out there. Hey am I gonna be famous now?
E.D is currently a single pringle at TCNJ.
Are you currently in a long distance relationship?
I’m in several actually — I’m kidding! No.
Have you had any experiences with the college dating lifestyle? If not, why is that?
Nah…I had a bad first experience.
What is a fear you have of dating in college if any?
I think it would be fun to date in college actually because you get to see the person whenever you want….unless you guys break up then it could be bad .
When looking for a potential S/O what do you typically look for?
Do you want the real answer? I look for a girl with confidence and nice personality. Funny, nice laugh, good smile.
Who’s your go to to tell girl drama to?
Well besides you, my friend Perry from high school.
Do you think dating long distance can work?
Yes, my brother has been in a few long distance relationships and seeing that has showed me that if you have the right two people together it can work out
Advice for dating in college?
Don’t, nah I’m kidding. I don’t know I haven’t done any dating in college.
Best Netflix show/movie to watch on a first date?
On the first date? Definitely The Office!
So what?
Okay, so, you made it! You’re a long distance dating expert now that you’ve read a few testimonies right?
Of course not — I wish it was that simple.
At the end of the day, long distance dating is not a one size fits all, cookie cutter situation. Sometimes those tips will work and sometimes they won’t be enough because sadly there’s no formula for how to make long distance any less hard. But there’s theories and advice columns and friends that tell you not to be lazy and for now that has to be enough.
So to all my couples in LDR’s, good luck, have patience, I’m rooting for you all.
To those getting out of one, cry it out if you have to, you’ll make it through.
And to all the single pringles maybe thinking about LDR’s — take the leap if you’re ready! But if not that’s okay too, your days of dating aren’t going anywhere unless you want them to.