PICTURE THIS: 10 PM, week-night, pjs, cozy under covers, attempting to plan tomorrow from your pillow-top, and boom. Snapchat from (insert name of ex <3 here). First one in weeks, the rush hits: impatience, confusion... You're intrigued.
There is nothing worse than a game of string along. In case you’re unfamiliar, it’s when a former honey reaches out every now and then to be sure you’re still single, interested, or pining over their existence. Here’s the kicker: they have no real intention of furthering the connection. Most likely they are bored or in need of validation. Most encounters end in ghosting and setbacks.
We all want to be worthy of real love. But our biggest mistake comes in assuming every match we meet has an equivalent “epitome of love” to our own. Often times, we calculate other people’s intentions, and fragment their viewpoint through the lens of our own desire. We want them to think the same about us, feel the same about us, desire the same outcome, but truthfully we only retrieve small tokens among their countless thoughts.
The reality is, we teach other people how to love us. You choose the love you allow into your precious domain.
Our problems generally do not stem from love itself, they arrive when we no longer find nourishment in the old ways of pursuing it. When snapchat’s with vague descriptions are not enough. When inconsistent bare minimum effort leaves you less than satisfied. When excuses, pop-in’s, and fly out’s are no longer attractive. When bad boy, reduces to bad… it’s okay to change your requirements. It’s okay to redefine love for yourself.
Raise your standards and those surrounding must rise or fall to their establishment, their choice completely.
Decide how you want to be loved. Love yourself that way. Accept nothing less. Trust that how you love yourself is how others will love you. Trust that if you adjust your value to keep one person around, you are compromising value in all areas of your life. Trust that if you decide to draw the line, you are simply deciding who and what is worth your time, effort, and sanity.
I learned to feed off my own love, minimizing the ache for external validation.
The result: I no longer hand my love over due to a faint show of interest. I no longer expect the love I give to come back to me. I give love freely, and unconditionally, with no assumption of an outsider’s intentions. The choice manifests in whom I give my love to.
So next time he suddenly remembers you exist, remember this:
You deserve someone who would not risk your feet changing direction. In letting go, you become everything you couldn’t have been beneath the shadow of subpar standards.