The craziness of second semester is about to take over. After the (much deserved and needed) winter break, it’s back to essays, last-minute cramming, tests, sleeping in the library, and the emotional rollercoaster UCT inevitably puts us through. I think all of us can agree it’s difficult to schedule in things we used to prioritise in high school, like 8 hours of sleep or an exercise regime, let alone constant and meaningful meet ups with dear friends. Other things often get in the way. If you’re in a relationship, you may also fall into the trap of subconsciously neglecting your friends and spending way too much time with your significant other. If you struggle with mental health disorders, some of them may encourage you to seek refuge in isolating yourself and building up bad habits, leaving you suffering in silence.
Falling into every one of these traps myself, this year one of my New Year’s Resolutions was to actively and consciously build more friendships. Here are some of the tips you can use if you find yourself hibernating a bit too much than you ought too.
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- Set reminders
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I’m definitely the type of person who has two “little people”controlling me. The extroverted-self has such high expectations for the introverted-self. She sets coffee dates, agrees to get togethers, even organises grand, very Instagrammable dates. But my introverted-self rejoices when plans get cancelled – it means I don’t have to make up a lie to not attend. Cancelling plans is sometimes okay, and very much needed if you struggle with your mental health, but what also follows is rain checking. Often that phrase allows you to just never, ever, ever follow up with your friend for a good extra semester until you’re basically strangers all over again.
Use a reminders app on your phone to hold yourself accountable. Set a date, even if that reminder is just for yourself to message that friend again and set another time and date to meet again. These reminders can often pop up on your phone just like a social media notification, but won’t disappear once you unlock it. It’ll keep the reminder there until you mark it complete, therefore constantly reminding you just send that darn message.
- Find a common hobby
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There’s a lot less pressure and anxiety to call up your friend and drag them out of their house if you know for a fact they’re going to absolutely love the activity you planned for the two of you to enjoy. Love watching artsy films together? Sign up for The Labia’s newsletter and always keep each other in the loop when you spot one you’re dying to see. Trying to read more books? Start a little book club between the two of you and keep your goals very achievable and very minimal. That means that even if you meet and don’t discuss any of the chapters, you’re still getting to spend time together over tea catching up – goal met!
Often my anxiety tells me that my friends wouldn’t want to meet up with me because I’m boring or we’ll have nothing to say to each other. First of all, just know that your friends love you and they wouldn’t constantly agree to meet up with you or message you if you were a horrid human. Secondly, this option may soothe the anxiety of calling your friend up to come out with you – it gives you something to discuss! Especially if it’s a newer friendship you’re trying to build up, this option will give you something to fall back on if everything goes south (ahem, quiet anxiety! It won’t!)
- Lowkey & Often > Grand & In a Blue Moon
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Ditch the fancy wine tastings in Franschoek – you don’t need to blow cash to hang out. In fact, that could be one of the reasons either you or your friend may be hesitant to hang out. We’re all students, we all have limited budgets – some more than others. So rather go have some tea at each other’s houses. Literally, just lying in bed and chatting can be the greatest bonding experience. There will be no annoyed waiter passive-aggressively pushing you to leave and, if you experience any happy or sad tears over the course of the meet up, there won’t be any confused onlookers – what a win!
It’s more worthwhile to meet often and keep it chilled than totry plan big outings. Often the high expectations keep you at a distance from your friends as you try to rope in your whole squad and their conflicting timetables, or struggle to find something you all will enjoy. Chill time is, quite honestly, the best time – and more sustainable for your friendship foundation.
It may seem silly to keep these ideas in mind as some people are fortunate enough to have friendships that don’t require much thought. However, when life gets busier (and life does tend to do that) it’s important to still make time for your friends. Not simply because it gives you a breath of fresh air, but also because you never know when your friends might need you most – for a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or just as a little escape from their busy lives too.
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