All around the world, women are pressured and expected to one day get married and have kids. Most women now aren’t concerned about doing either of those things. They’re more focused on establishing their careers and reaching their aspirations.
Skincare company SK-II started a Create Destiny campaign, and part of that campaign involved Katie Couric traveling to different parts of the world and interviewing women about their aspirations and expectations their loved ones have for them. All four of these women have goals and dreams they wanted to accomplish, and their loved ones had one similar goal in mind for them: marriage and babies.
Something I thought was powerful from the videos was when one of the girls’ mother said she wanted her daughter to do things “her way.” Which resonated strongly with me and I’m sure with many other women. For as long as I can remember, my mom has talked to me about marriage and kids and although that’s a part of my life I can’t wait for, it’s also something that I’m in no rush to accomplish.
When I got the idea to write this article about writing your own timeline, I started thinking about all the times I’ve been asked, “When are you getting married? When are you having kids?” and it dawned on me that men don’t get asked these questions nearly as often, if not at all, compared to women. Why is it that as soon as we turn old enough, we start getting interrogated by loved ones as to when we’re going to reproduce and settle down, while our male counterparts get asked how their careers are going?
Our loved ones don’t mean any harm in asking those questions and while they may be looking out for us, they don’t always know what’s best. Especially parents. Just because they did something a particular way growing up, doesn’t not mean that same way will work for you. Times have changed and the way we’ve grown up is absolutely not the same as when our parents grew up. So yeah, they could have kids at 18 and be married and be fine, but not us.
I’m certain most women have heard, “Your biological clock is ticking you’re running out of time!” How about letting me do things on my own time? That is such a toxic thing to say to women, even if you’re just joking. The idea that a woman’s value is directly attached to who she marries or how many kids she has, is ridiculous. How about start valuing her for the work she puts into her community and all the hours she’s put into her job to establish her career?
I look forward to the day when I get married and bring little me’s into the world. But I’m perfectly happy with being selfish right now and working on bettering myself and my life.
It’s perfectly fine to want to get married and have kids, it’s also more than ok to want neither of those things.