Break ups. We’ve all been there. Ice cream and tissues provide us comfort as we cry about how we will never be the same.
Relationship splits are serious don’t get me wrong, but those bestie break ups hit a little differently. From secrets to sleepovers, it can seem impossible to think of a world without your BFF. But as we get older those friendships change and do more harm than good. Friends don’t always last forever, and that’s okay. Recognizing these signs and patterns of a toxic person early enough will save you from harmful situations in the future.
1. They leave you feeling manipulated and controlled.
This is something that you may not recognize right off the bat. Sometimes you can perceive a relationship as normal, when in reality your friend could be using you or taking advantage of your generosity. Many times manipulative people will try to change you or constantly criticize your actions. Recognize and reach out! It’s always important that if you feel that this might be happening to you, please get an outside perspective from someone you trust. They might open your eyes to this toxic trait before it’s too late.
2. You find yourself attached to the past rather than the present.
There is nothing wrong with reminiscing about the good times, but if you are relying on the past to make up for the present that’s a red flag. We all have friends that have been in our lives for what seems like forever, but it might be time to let them go. It can be hard to move on when you have so much history tied up into it. It’s normal to grow apart –to grow up. It’s not healthy to hold onto a relationship you know is toxic just for the sake of nostalgia.
3. Your Self-esteem is at an all time low.
GET OUT. PERIOD.
This is a no brainer. If anyone makes you feel inadequate or small they do not deserve to be in your life. Friends are supposed to serve as shoulders to cry on, family members away from home, and loyal cheerleaders. People who intentionally bring you down and damage your mental health are bullies. First and foremost, YOU come first and it’s imperative you don’t settle for anything less.
4. Negative interactions happen more than positive ones.
Hanging out with your bestie is meant to be enjoyable. We have all had those moments where you sit down to talk and the next time you look at the clock hours have gone by. But I think it’s time to break up if your interactions become a burden in your life. You should be able to have fun around the people you surround yourself with. Negativity will spread to other parts of your life whether you intend for that to happen or not.
5. It’s not reciprocal.
A friendship takes two people and requires a relationship that is equally reciprocated. It is important for both people in the friendship to participate and make an effort. It’s as easy as calling each other on the phone or making a trip out to see them at school. An early sign to identify this is if you notice the person distancing themselves or fading away. Communication is often a great place to start, however if talking does not change the situation, let it go.
Remember to set boundaries and understand what you are worth. Your time is precious and should be spent with those who care about you. Choose your friends carefully and invest in those who are loyal and true.