Relationships end in different ways. When a relationship ends for reasons out of one’s control, be it long distance, different places in life, the inability to be in a romantic relationship at that time; there’s always that ingling of hope that while the romance may have died the relationship doesn’t need to. How does one even begin to tackle this seemingly impossible feat? For some it involves going back to the way the relationship formed, after all many a romantic relationship starts as friendship. For others its reforming and redefining the love in the relationship as something no longer romantic but rather platonic.While each and every situation is different and takes a varying amount of time to transfer from the ‘’used to’’ to the now; here are three potential steps towards keeping that special someone in your life.
Step 1: Define your boundaries
The blurred line between friends and more than friends is often dangerous territory, especially when associated with someone you have and do care deeply about. Feelings form or stay formed even when we often don’t want them too. Decide, are you going to be friends? Or are you going to be more than friends? And once you make that decision stick to it. No matter how much less ‘’fun’’ it is in that moment, know that you will be thanking yourself later for following through on your initial decision. By deciding to be friends with your ex and nothing more, you enable the beginning of a redefinition of the relationship. Without being firm about this choice and being firm in sticking with it, the wishy washy nature of the are we friends or are we more debate will begin to haunt many more thoughts then you want it to.
Step 2: Take space
Taking space is hard in any relationship, but taking space from someone who was a metaphorical ‘’life line’’ for you, can feel almost impossible. Taking space is as important as it is challenging. Realize that you don’t need them, there is a big distinction between needing something and wanting something. Realize that while you want them in your life and you will have them in your life, you don’t need them; you can survive and be happy without them. This realization is essential in moving this relationship into a friend zone. There is nothing more important than realizing that the only thing you need to be dependent on is yourself, and everything and everyone else is extra; a good version of extra but never the less extra.
Step 3: Don’t erase the memories, create new ones
For many people the idea of being friends with their ex includes erasing all romantic memories with the person. While this may seem like the easiest way to move forward, it’s far from the healthiest. Don’t let those good memories go, after all those good memories are potentially part of the reason you want a friendship with this person in the first place. Good memories are a sign of a good relationship, don’t block those out; embrace them for all they were and all they still are. Good memories are not specific to romantic relationships, know that you will make equally as many good memories with your ‘’new’’ friend. Allow those good memories to be one chapter in the relationship you have with your ex, and make room for a new one.
This three step process is by no means going to soothe all the potential fears that come with putting your romantic label with a partner to bed. Rather, let this three step process allows you to realize that saying goodbye to a boyfriend does not have to be equated to saying goodbye to a friend. Decide that this special someone is worthy of your friendship. And once you do this, create your path to allowing that person back into your life in a new way; realizing that with your permission they never have to leave. Love is love, and when it’s real it will find a way to stay.