The Democratic debate was the drama of the century, competing with Keeping Up With the Kardashians for the most pettiness captured on one TV channel. In a 1v1 battle for superiority, here are the Kardashian/Jenner equivalents of the 2020 Democratic candidates.
- Liz Warren: Kendall Jenner
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Warren plans to revamp a nation currently drowning in flaws, yet she states it so simplistically. Yes girl, provide me with free healthcare! It reminds me of Kendall Jenner’s one-step plan to end all of racism: a Pepsi. Seems so easy, at least for Kendall. If only the United States’ qualms were this easy to solve.
- Joe Biden: Stormi Jenner
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A major milestone for babies is being able to turn over and change perspective, from the right side of the room to the left. For Stormi, being able to flip-flop on her side was probably a huge deal for her parents, but for the nation? Biden takes that trophy. He switches his opinions on every political issue practically overnight — has anyone kept track of his current stance on the Hyde Amendment?
- Julian Castro: Caitlyn Jenner
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Did I really pay attention to what Julian Castro said during the 2020 Democratic debate? Or was I too awestruck by his beautiful, luscious hair? Not unlike Caitlyn Jenner, whose luscious hair has drawn massive attention these last few years, Castro’s actions during the debate may not have been anything to write home about, but at least his hair makes up for his lack of action.
- Andrew Yang: Kris Jenner
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The devil works hard, but Andrew Yang works harder. Andrew Yang’s main platform is his desire to create a Universal Basic Income of $1,000/month. Though his plan has yet to really be fleshed out, it seems to have been a good publicity move, something Kris Jenner knows a lot about.
- Beto O’Rourke: Khloe Kardashian
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Many political candidates use the method of neutrality to garner support for their platform. Beto, on the other hand, did quite the opposite, directly calling out Trump and the Republican party multiple times. Khloe Kardashian gets it; she’s always spilling the tea about her sisters and rifling up drama within her own love life. If Beto knew what the millennial term meant, I’m sure even he’d say he was “spilling the tea.”
- Bernie Sanders: Kim K
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In the same way Kim K was the original Kardashian, Bernie has been the OG candidate since he ran in 2016. He’s a common enough household name that you really could switch it with Kim’s and millennials would basically understand what you’re saying. Additionally, Kim’s husband, Kanye, was meant to run for president against Bernie in 2020. Is a competition arising?
Watch out KUWTK, the Democratic candidates are coming for your dramatic 9 p.m. slot on E!