Or as my best friends like to call it, “Lo-ssertive”
Here’s the truth peeps, this life that you’re living is yours and yours only. Have you forgotten that? Well I’m here to remind you that at the end of the day, you’re the only one who feels the things that you do. You’re the only one in the situations that you are in. And you’re the only one doing the things that you’re doing. If there is something in your life that doesn’t feel right, then it’s your responsibility to do something about it. I’ve found that assertiveness brings you self-confidence; massive amounts at that. (What doesn’t want that?) It allows you to be vocal about what you feel yet also be respectful in the delivery of it all for the sake of the other person. The longer that you feel certain emotions and let them simmer within you, the more you’re doing yourself a disservice. Would you really be okay with letting something slide if you truly felt it was wrong?
The key to all of this is that you respect yourself, you love yourself, and you have a true understanding between being on an egotistical level of selfishness verses being on an “I’m-watching-out-for-me” level of selfishness. Respecting and loving yourself in all that you are, and comprehending that you are the only you will help you be more assertive because it will help you know what your worth is and what you deserve. You’re the only you, as I am the only me and we are the only ones that are directly affected by every single thing we do and choose as we go through this life. Honesty is an incredibly important thing in every single aspect of our lives, though it’s exceptionally important when it comes to being honest with yourself. Don’t allow someone else to put yourself so far back on the importance scale when it isn’t worth it or they don’t give back what they take from you. As Ed Sheeran sang in Save Myself, “human beings are destined to radiate or drain…”, don’t get stuck getting drained as a radiator for someone who never acts as your radiator to fill you back up.
When my friends joke and say that I’m so assertive, or how they like to call it “Lo-ssertive” (going off of my last name), I genuinely laugh because I’ve never seen myself as that way. As I’ve gotten older, went through more things and gathered more experience with life and people, I’ve just realized that this is my life and if I don’t like the way that something is going, then why keep allowing it to happen? If it’s only going to continue to hurt me more, why let it go on? Why not stop it, change it, or do something about it? At certain points in our lives, we have to put ourselves first and evaluate situations we’re in and how they’re benefiting us. This is where the line between egotistical level of selfishness and “I’m-watching-out-for-me” level of selfishness comes into play; you have to be selfish sometimes in order to keep yourself okay. Life is an endless amusement park with roller-coasters that we’re all on and sometimes you need to pick yourself up out of your seat and either adjust where you’re sitting (your perspective), or get up and leave.
All too often, I see such amazing people put themselves through situations where they’re getting completely walked all over. Whether it’s someone from work taking advantage of them, or the person that they’re talking to not giving them what they deserve. Being a bystander in these situations is typically an awkward, sticky situation. You can express what you’re witnessing and what you think about it all you want until you’re blue in the face but ultimately it is up to that person to see or listen to what you’ve expressed. When we’re the ones in situations such as these, it’s hard to see the truth of it due to various things such as being blinded by the entire experience or person. Though believe me when I say that we know the best things for ourselves and if at any point, you get a weird feeling in your gut or something in your mind is speaking to you, listen to it.
I’ve found that relationships where there is no true communication on how the participants really feel leaves both feeling incredibly empty and destroying themselves and the relationship. Sure, communication is complicated and can often lead to bickering or arguments but more often than not, we’re better off having an argument because someone was assertive and told the other how we feel. Not only will it save a lot of pain, and confusion, but it’ll also save you a lot of time. Let me tell ya, that’s not being selfish, rude, irrational or any of the above; it’s being smart and caring towards not only yourself, but also your partner. You’re saving the relationship from a lot of turmoil and potential passive aggressiveness that could come out due to the unresolved or unspoken feelings. If you don’t tell someone how you feel about something that they’re doing, then they’re going to continue to do it and you’ll continue to feel ultimately like crap. Know your worth, know what you deserve, and never settle for less than that. Be Lo-ssertive and say what you feel because if you don’t, then you’ll continue to be taken on the same ride that you’ve grown tired of hours ago. And frankly, there are far too many other roller-coasters out there to be stuck and unhappy on the same one.