Living in an ever-so connected society forces comparison upon us like never before. Constant exposure to the lives of others is a undeniable force of belittlement. We are constantly, whether it be in our subconscious or consuming all of our thoughts, in a world of comparison. Who is doing it right? Who is more successful? Who is prettier? Who is smarter? Who is the best? We throw ourselves into comparison — upward-comparison through social media especially, causing our self-worth to plummet. We scroll through the highlights of others lives just to belittle the worth of our very own. We lose self-compassion. More often than not, we are way too hard on ourselves, and this is a toxic way of living.
How do we fix this? How do we speak kindly to ourselves and completely remove any trace of negative thoughts from our minds? How can we be self-compassionate? As author, speaker and influencer Natasha Adamo explains in her article, “COMPASSION: HOW TO HAVE MORE FOR YOURSELF (& LESS FOR TOXIC PEOPLE),” she explains that self-compassion is merely a habit. We must get into the habit of speaking to ourselves as we would to others. We must get into the habit of guiding ourselves as we would guide someone else. We must get into the habit of forgiving ourselves and letting ourselves make mistakes.
Image via The Goal Chaser
A few things to remember…
- Your feelings are valid. Whatever you are feeling, you are worthy to feel.
- You don’t always have to explain or justify why you are feeling a certain way. You don’t owe anyone an explanation— that includes yourself. Let yourself feel. Stop trying to figure everything out.
- You are enough. Be at peace with who you are in this very moment. Be open to improvement, but do not shame your current state of being. Embrace who you are and who you want to be. They are both just as worthy of love.
- You are not always going to feel your best. You are not always going to be the best version of yourself. You are going to deviate. Embrace and welcome these deviations. Let yourself move. It is all a part of your journey. Embrace every stop you make because they are made for a reason.
- Everyone is reading a different map because no one is trying to get to the same place. The moment you try to follow someone else’s directions, you steer away from your destination. Be in tune with your end goal. Stop looking around at where others are going. Focus on where you are going.
- Respond to your needs. Respond to yourself as you would to someone who is in need. How would you help them? Help yourself in the same way.
- It is only a habit. Everyone is capable of being self-compassionate.
The Oxford English Dictionary describes compassion as, “The feeling or emotion, when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it; pity that inclines one to spare or to succour. Const. on (of obsolete).”
The Golden 3 Compassion Practices
- Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself 3 things you love about yourself.
- Repeat to yourself, “I am human. I do not want to be perfect. I will let myself make mistakes. I am okay.”
- When making decisions, ask yourself, “Will this serve me?”If it is not worthy of your energy or time, step away.
Most importantly, keep in mind, there is no timeline to life. There is no formula to life. No one is “ahead,” no one is “behind.” It is all relative. It is relative to what others are doing around you, it is relative to the expectations you have set for yourself and those you feel others have set for you. It is all in your head. None of these exist. Take everything day by day. Every decision you make should be because YOU want to make that decision, because by making that decision you are BETTERING your life in one way or another. No decision should be made merely because you feel you “have” to make that decision. Believe in yourself and YOUR process. Everyone’s game plan is different. Stop trying to follow someone else’s.
Think about an exam. You know your score on an exam and you either feel good, bad or neutral about that score due to the expectations you set for yourself going into that exam. You either expected to do well or poorly, and how you feel upon receiving your grade is a response to that expectation. Then, you find out the exam average. You find out the exam average was far higher than the score you received. You suddenly feel stupid and poor about yourself. But what if the exam average was far lower than the grade you received? You would likely feel good about yourself, that you did better than your classmates.
Simply, all is relative. Nothing is anything until you make it something. Remove comparison from your life and begin to feel free. Believe in YOUR game plan and follow it strictly. Let yourself deviate, move and be confused. Take care of your needs. Respond accordingly. Be self-compassionate. You owe it to yourself.