Study abroad is such a great experience; it was the best time of my life. These are the types of things I heard whenever I told people that I would be going to London in Spring Semester of 2020. Despite hearing these things frequently and from many people, I doubted their truth my first week in London, and I felt shameful for my true feelings. People talk so highly of studying abroad and about all the positives and great times, but why didn’t anyone mention how it was going to come with lows too?
While I had some reassurance from a family friend who shared candidly about both the highs and lows of study abroad, I still felt very lonely. Self-doubt ate me alive for the first few days… first few weeks. I felt that I didn’t deserve this amazing opportunity nor could I even do it. I thought that I was being weak for feeling the way I did. I thought that everyone who told me these amazing things about studying abroad went and had an amazing time from day one. I didn’t even understand how I could be feeling so low when I had this amazing opportunity and I was frustrated with it. I thought all around me other students were doing great since they were going out every night for the first week. Why couldn’t that be me? Why couldn’t I just let the sadness, anxiousness, and fear go and focus on the excitement of study abroad?
I’m probably making it sound like there wasn’t any excitement in me- there was! Leading up to the trip, I was so excited that I couldn’t even talk about it without smiling. Even when I landed I was thrilled. Even through the first week, I still had so much excitement about of all the possibilities and how this could be such a positive experience for me and my self-growth. I was not able to contain my smile as I walked down the street taking pictures of this place that I was lucky enough to call home. I smiled as I rode the tube alone to find a cute cafe randomly to sit down to write this. And I smiled as I thought of how lucky I was to have found such a great group of girls to have by my side. However, those things also came with the difficulty of adjusting to when I went back to my new room by myself.
It was like every high moment came with a low the first week. The first two days were the hardest. Two days of a heavy chest and tense shoulders, with tears pricking my eyes for a couple of minutes, then disappearing with sparks of excitement and pleasure. The first steady high was when I walked around the area where I was staying on the outskirts of central London and being in awe of how beautiful and perfect it was. One big street was on the quieter side- with markets, little cafes, some restaurants, and shops. The other big street is our “High Street”. High Street was more hectic (in a good way) with more restaurants, lots of clothing shops, and a three-story Whole Foods (which was a bit of home for me). There was also a huge park just blocks away that was a beautiful place for me to walk and run around to free my mind (not to mention the park has the palace of William and Kate in it so that’s pretty cool). It felt good to finally know where I would be for the next four months and start seeing and becoming comfortable with it. However, I still felt stressed about getting to know others.
I got lucky and gained a little group of friends quite quickly by messaging one person through GroupMe prior to the trip. I met the others naturally through orientation week where we clicked off the bat with similarities. There were eight of us and we all had the same vibe so we got along great. There were about five of us when we did our second-day bus tour around London where we first got to know each other, and that night we met the other three. A lot of the study abroad students in the program decided to go out to a bar where it was student night and they had half-priced drinks for Americans. We were thrilled to say the least. It was really fun to take a moment to distract ourselves and let loose for a couple of hours. We danced and sang, and maybe screamed a bit when “Come on Eileen” and “Teenage Dreams” came on like classic Americans. A whole lot of us decided to catch the tube back around 11:30 before it closed for the night. It wasn’t only going out with my new group of friends for the first time that made the night memorable; I also learned I wasn’t the only one who had waves of sadness.
All along we thought we were alone. We were told only of the highs of studying abroad and felt guilty and shameful for feeling sad. As we walked closer together leaving the bar and enjoying the cold air cooling us down from the hot, crowded dance floor, we admitted that it has been hard to adjust. One said it first, “I don’t know why I keep getting hit with sadness” and we all joined in by saying, “I thought I was alone in that” or “at least it’s not just me.” We’d all been missing bits of home, feeling scared of not making any friends, and feeling the pressure of having that “great experience” everyone talked about. We all knew that we wanted to do this, that we would have a great experience, and that we were excited about visiting London and traveling. Still, we were anxious which made us feel lonely and shameful since no one seems to share these moments when they return. In the moment of confession, we all grew closer; we were each other’s people in London and it secured us as good friends.
While the excitement of studying abroad can motivate you to get out of your comfort zone, it can also be scary. You can feel happy as well as sad. Not everyone gets anxious before leaving; I didn’t break down before I got on the airplane about being scared. But if you’re like me and my friends it might happen once you arrive. It’s a normal feeling and you will conquer it. So stay excited, but here is a little reassurance that any and all feelings while abroad during your first week of adjusting are okay and you’ll make it!
After four weeks abroad, I’m here to let you know that if you’re studying abroad or thinking about studying abroad, it’s okay and totally normal to feel low the first week (or longer). And if you think that all of the things you’ve heard about a great experience are lies, I’m telling you that they will be true even when you feel low. Everyone around you is probably feeling the same thing so don’t compare yourself! Take your time. You will adjust because I have now been here for almost a month and I feel perfect, content, and like I have a home here in London. I know my way around, I take walks and runs through Hyde Park, I explore with my friends, I know my way through the tube system, and I have even traveled outside England twice! It’s gotten to where when I get back to London I’m able to exhale and be grateful to be home. I have no regrets and thinking about going home is strange. You’ll probably feel this way too. Just take your time and remember the good times are just beginning your first couple weeks of studying abroad and there is so much ahead.