The ironic timing of this article isn’t lost on me.
With a week till Valentines day, its hard to avoid the constant barrage of messages about the importance
of romantic love. Its all great if you’re one of the chosen few who happen to be romantically involved at
that given time. But right now, I’m not.
This bothered a lot me for a while. It still does sometimes, especially at this time of year. But I realised
recently that I was focusing so much energy on complaining about my lack of significant other that I
wasn’t making time to do very much else. Instead of doing things I genuinely love to do, focusing on my
goals and being grateful for the people I already have in my life, I was wasting hours (I wish I was
exaggerating ) fantasising about boys I had barely gotten to know, and imagining how much better my
life would be if we were together.
This is where impact bias comes into play. Simply put, we often overestimate how happy we will be after
an event happens, anticipating this amazing moment and the even better feelings that will come along
with it (for example finally going on a date with that guy you’ve been hoping would ask you out). But no
matter how great it is, it never really is as life-altering of an experience as we think it will be. Take
comfort in that- you’re not missing out on quite as much as you think you are, I promise!
So this is really easy to write (and even easier to read) but how do you actually live a life that reflects
more than just your desire for a significant other?
- Get to know yourself
-
I’m probably the biggest advocate of solo dates/travel/meals that you will ever meet- but with good
reason. Taking yourself out of your comfort zone forces you into situations that you may have never
gotten to experience if you had the safety net of your friends around- that’s when important lessons
about yourself can be learnt (and some great memories created.)
- Spend time with the people already in your life
-
Its easy to get carried away with excitement about potential love interests or on the flipside,
overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness when you’re not in a serious relationship. Use these moments to
reinforce your existing relationships and express how grateful you are for them.
- Keep putting yourself out there, but without too many expectations
-
As much as the introvert in me would love if this were the case, you definitely wont ever meet anyone by
sitting in a pile of blankets on your bed. Go out and socialise but remember to take it slow; try not to
approach new friendships with too many (or any) expectations. As much as you can, go out and meet
new people just for the sake of it.
“But I knew all that already, Ver-Se ”
Congrats! It sounds like you’re on the right track then, and its perfectly fine to still seek out a romantic
partner. This is where the hard part comes in though; all that’s left is to play the waiting game. Only this
time you’ll be so busy living your life that the wait wont be quite as brutal.