Please Don’t Stare at My Scar…

I have a fairly sizeable scar on my body from a burn accident last year, and I am still getting used to having it. It’s in a highly visible place on my person. People usually notice it within a few seconds of interacting with me. I have tried just about every scar cream and treatment under the sun that’s within my budget. No, I haven’t tried laser treatment yet, but who knows. I have almost gotten to the point where I have completely accepted my scar…almost. Most days I forget it’s even there until the glance.

The glance. It’s the slight eye flick a person I’m talking to makes directly to that spot, and at that moment I know exactly what they’re looking at. Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt. I chalk it up to an involuntary reaction. My scar is a different color than the rest of my skin, so it somewhat sticks out – I get it. However, an already uncomfortable situation worsens when there are multiple glances. I can see you. Your wheels are turning wondering what it is, how it happened, etc..Sometimes I want to react in anger… “Take a picture, it will last longer.”

Sometimes I just want to be blunt… “It’s a scar. Yes, it hurt at the time. Yes, I am fine now.” And, sometimes, I just try to blink back tears and keep going …”So as I was saying”. That’s the thing with people continuously looking (staring) at my scar. I feel like that’s all they’re seeing. They’ve stopped listening to what I was saying because they are too fascinated by a patch of my skin.   But I have learned over this past year that my fears are not true. When I have asked friends how they would describe me, “she has a scar” never makes the list of attributes, and it’s not how I would define myself either.

Yes, people are going to glance or even stare at my scar. I can’t control what other people do. However, I am in charge of how I let others affect me. I have decided that no amount of eye movement will make me question how I am seen or valued as a person. I am more than my physical appearance. I am more than a patch on my skin. I am more than my scar.  

• open letter
• Scar