Every time I purchase a new journal, I swear to myself that I will fill this one up before I buy another one. Unfortunately, this seems to be a lie I tell myself at least 3 times a year, judging by the fact that I finish every year with a desk crammed with journals… each of which was used for three entries before being abandoned.
At the start of the new year, as I packed up my stuff to get back to school, I grabbed two journals and promised myself that this time I’d hold true to my word.
This past year saw many ups and downs for me: I got my first internship, finished my first year of college, met so many new people, traveled to another country with said new people, lost old friends, and more. By the end of the year, I could not fathom why it was so difficult for me to shake the feeling of discontentment: after all, I had an amazing year despite everything.
Come winter break, one of my best friends suggested journaling. But, as I said at the beginning of this article, some things are easier said than done. Her words did stick with me, though. After telling her about how I could not really wrap my head around the past year and felt like it had just flashed past, she said: “Liv, this has been a crazy eventful year, you need to sit down and let everything process.”
I remained mindful of this notion and could not believe the coincidence when my friend oddly told me that yes, she would come to my New Year’s Eve get together — but only if she would have somewhere quiet to get away to at 11 pm to write her year in review. Apparently, she had spent the last hour of every New Year’s’ Eve writing for the past three years. I poked fun at her for putting a hold on the festivities for such a Tumblr girl thing, but I was intrigued.
When our alarms went off at 11:00 pm December 31st, 2019, we hurried off to my room and put pen to paper. I expected to write a brief summary and quickly get back to guests. I could not believe my ears when I heard the five-minute countdown to the ball drop in my living room. The words had streamed out: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was like taking off a bandaid and realizing you had healed, but there would always be a permanent mark on your body as a reminder of what had happened. And, in that, I found myself content.
If you are anything like me, you try to keep up and keep moving no matter what life throws at you. However, in the process of always being on the move, you lose track of time and begin going through the motions of things. It is easy to lose your essence of presence in this process.
Writing my year in review helped me genuinely feel the emotions that 2019 had brought me. I got to relive the most memorable moments in my year and really focus on the experience. Whether it be through regular journaling or a cram session at the end of the year, I want to urge anyone to take the time out of the day or year and allow themselves to breathe and feel. Call it free therapy, mindfulness, self-care, or a combination of all that. It is scary to realize you are not the same person you started off as at the beginning of the year, but there is so much beauty and strength in seeing the growth potential that is within you and/or that the new year may bring (or maybe just a new week).