If you are an empath, a caregiver, or simply have loved ones that you worry for when they are going through a tough time, it’s to be expected that at some point you will spread yourself too thin or feel overwhelmed. Doing so might not only affect you negatively but also your loved one- for example, creating unhealthy codependence. Here are some tips for helping your loved ones without it taking a toll on you.
1. Be clear about boundaries. If you are working, studying, or in any way unavailable to be there for a loved one at the moment, try to make it clear that you are unavailable. Unfortunately, as much as we’d want to be there for someone, sometimes we simply can’t. Whatever the reason may be (i.e. class presentation, grad school exam studying, or simply not having your phone on you), it is important to set boundaries when a friend or family member is going through something difficult- to prevent unhealthy codependence coping mechanisms and to protect your mental health. It is okay to be there for a person, as long as it is not negatively affecting your own life. If you notice that your loved one doesn’t have a healthy coping mechanism, suggesting that they see a professional (in a loving “I’m still here for you but this might help you more” way) might help.
2. Don’t spend too much time focusing on what is outside of your control. Sometimes our loved ones go through sad and painful experiences that we wish we could undo with a snap of our fingers (i.e. death, incurable illness, heartbreak). It’s important to not become distressed about the factors we cannot change. We could spend hours worrying and still not make a difference. Instead, try to focus on the positive impact that is in your control, even if it’s small. A thoughtful small gesture like flowers and their favorite chocolate, dedicating one hour to listen to the person vent, checking up on them often, or getting their mind to distract for a bit by relaxing or doing something fun can go a long way. Doing what you can instead of focusing on what you cannot change, will be more beneficial to both you and your loved one.
3. Make time for yourself. Caring for someone else directly/worrying about their well-being constantly can be draining and take a toll on your self-care. Try to keep making time for yourself a priority. The better you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of others. Suggestions: watch your favorite funny series/TV show to distract your mind and release endorphins; once a week have a beauty and/or wellness day (i.e. wash your hair, do a detox face mask, do your nails, take a yoga class); practice a creative hobby.
4. Limit interaction with what overwhelms you. Social media. Your million classroom WhatsApp chats. Investment in toxic relationships. Such things can already be overwhelming without adding on to them the weight of caring for someone else. Whatever it is that overwhelms you, but you cannot get rid of completely (for whatever reason), try to limit the amount of in your day-to-day. Controlling when you interact with them will make you feel more in control of your time, emotions, and peace of mind and overall, less overwhelmed. Suggestions: place a limit on your phone for your social media apps; designate one hour at night-time to catch up with your classroom chats; reduce interactions/responses to toxic family members or friends.